sicko politico

my favorite teachers

2008-12-19T15:09:00.002-05:00

now that i am almost done with school i can blatantly list my favorite all time teachers (in no particular order):

-Miss Joslin- 4th grade.... she had weekly auctions to teach us math.. what an incredible incentive for someone who HATES math
-miss hunt- 1st grade- she made school less scary
-miss healy- 2nd grade- i loved her
-dr. anne wiley- community college- she made me want to go on to get my BA
-prof. mccarthy- community college- made me view the world through different lenses, and taught me about disability rights
-prof. larose- community college- taught me about the world outside the US, left politics and made me question everything
-katherine mallorey- academic advisor- life saver
-and lucky me, ALL my professors from this semester: strunk, ford, wilson, rudy, el-hibri... what a way to leave my undergraduate education! it's been a rough but enlightening semester- and i wouldn't have wanted it with any other group of teachers... i have learned more this semester than in perhaps my entire 22 years of education! thank you from the bottom of my heart... and now, i am going to stop procrastinating... and finish my work :)

a lack of blogging

2008-12-19T15:05:00.002-05:00

To anyone who may have followed my blog: i am sorry for ditching you for almost a month now!

but i have good excuse! in the last month i've been in the emergency room at least once per week. i have gone from taking 3mg. of steroids to 60mg. my hair has fallen out a little on the front, my skin is covered in eczema and in general, i feel miserable. i've had anaphylaxis to asthma. hives to a runny nose. and most importantly, the dreaded finals which come at the end of a semester- or which i have yet to complete.

i hope you will remain my loyal readers... i just need until sunday to finish my finals and then i promise, i will be back... perhaps not in good health... but always in good cheer.

take care all you sickos out there, we need eachother.

Personal Heroes

2008-11-28T13:57:00.002-05:00

Over thanksgiving i had an interesting conversation with my family. I started mentioning my list of personal heroes and they soon realized how extensive my list is... but you can never have too many heroes. one person in my family discovered she believed she had no heroes and decided she must find one for her own. I told her, "it's easy to have heroes if you listen to peoples' stories."

there are people out there who've had to be the first of their kind to pave the road for the rest of us. because of them, my life is easier and for that, i am grateful. so here's my short list of heroes in no particular order:

- Ted Kennedy
-Nelson Mandela
-Gandhi
-Dr. Joslin (inventor of insulin)
-Clara Barton
-Mother Theresa
-My Parents and Brother
-My godmother Tricia
-my family friend Jeanne
-my great aunt ruth
-Harriet Tubman
-FDR because he was in a wheelchair during his presidency
-JFK because he was president with Addison's disease
-Hillary Clinton
-Barack Obama
-Anne Frank
-Salvador Allende
-Frida Kahlo
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
-Bobby Kennedy
-My friend Katie L.
-my grandma Constance
-Lincoln
-my 4th grade teacher Miss Joslin
-etc.

Double D and JFK

2008-11-25T09:45:00.004-05:00

It's official. I'm a Double D- double diseased. Actually, I am triple diseased. But doubly scary diseased. 5 minutes ago I was formally diagnosed with Addison's disease. Now not only do I worship JFK, but I'm biologically diseased like him.

It makes me scared but rather proud because every time I feel like vomiting in the wake of this new information, I merely stare at a picture of my hero and think, if he can have this and become President, I can do anything... I can be anything and I am not going to merely be defined by my disease. I am capable. I am able to be the person I imagined I'd become as a child. I may be a Double D, but I am so much more. And look at my heroes and what they've accomplished. Thank you JFK.

Halle Berry has Type 1 Diabetes. She's pretty cool. I always wonder whether she gets anxiety about having low blood sugar on set because I know that's something I'd worry about. I think it's pretty courageous that she rocks out with her Diabetes too. Sometimes when I feel a little down about my diabetes or think that my insulin pump makes me look ugly... I look at a picture of Halle Berry and think, that's right, Us diabetics are hot too.

I guess right now I'm trying to swallow my fear with this new diagnosis. It's a lot to bear. It's scary and I want to feel alone, but I know I'm not. I know if JFK knew what was going on with me, he'd look down and tell me I'm not alone. And I've got Halle Berry. And I've got all those millions of people who have similar and different diseases right behind me- even if they don't know it or me. We are all in this together. We're all riding the same one-way escalator. We've got to have each other's backs.

So even though I am a little scared on this Dianosis Day, the 25th of November 2008, I know I can do this and I know I am strong.

I think I'm going to say in like fashion of the Kennedys, ask not what you can do for yourself, but that which you can do for others...

Kennedy Returns to Push for Health Care Reform

2008-11-19T12:11:00.001-05:00

Chemo Recliners

2008-11-19T11:47:00.002-05:00

Last Monday, i had my first introduction to the Chemo Recliners in my local hospital. They're on floor six, wedged into a small corner labeled the infusion room. It's an interesting place that i am positive resembles some semblance of limbo. people hang in this room from the narrows of some small cord- usually the IV line that translates into a life line. like i said, it's an interesting place somewhere between life and death.

the chemo recliners are not only for cancer patients, especially seeing as that i don't have cancer. but mainly, cancer patients occupy this narrow space. anyways, on monday morning i took my official place in a chemo recliner to be tested for adrenal insufficiency, otherwise known as Addison's disease (JFK had it). for the first time ever, i found myself in a room of sick people where i was not the sickest person. i felt awkward and uncomfortable. these people were facing near death. for one lady, this was her first day of many in the chemo recliner. she came in energetic. her husband dropped her off. no doubt she told him not to stick around- no biggy, it'd be over soon is what i bet she thought. but as the hours passed and the chemo dripped each drop into her veins, i saw the expression on her face change. she now understood. the complexication introduced her to the reality of chronic illness. it is never over quickly or simply. it's complicated, drawn out, draining, tiring and never ending. yet, i doubt it was the chemo that brought upon her realization of her new situation. see, after hours of sitting there, listening to us other old-timers, i think she began to realize the gravity of her situation. it's not because she has cancer that the scenario is dire, it's the hurdles she now understands she shares with each of us sickos... the hurdles are both commonly held and differently experienced by each differently diseased person... that's what a diabetic and cancer patient have in common- they're part of the same complexication that makes each of their lives so hard to navigate. it's what i understand of what it must be like to have HIV/aids, TB, SARS, malaria, cancer, MS, etc. it's not that i know the individual experience of HIV, the suffering and specific agonies. but i understand the system that accompanies every disease, malaise, and illness.

anyways, i sat there and watched the newbie transcend her innocence- let me remind you she is 65 whilst i am 20-something. yet in this instance, i had age over her. my medical age, my disease age is 10 years going on 11. her disease age is minus 1 year. but like everything, she'll age. that's the thing about chronic illness, it has its own years and counting system just like the dog years pet owners go by. many older people whine when i speak of how old i am- they say i should enjoy my youth before it's gone. but what they fail to understand is that in medical years i am already far past my prime. i am 65.

so i sat in my chemo recliner, not receiving chemo but counting my time, in sick years. like the others, i occupied a special limbo reserved for those somewhere between life and death- not quite one or the other.

Tired

2008-11-16T21:53:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting much. I've been a little tired of late and a little overwhelmed as both finals and graduation approaches. In addition, I have been prepping for the LSAT. On a side note, I was denied accommodations for the LSAT in regards to my diabetes supply. It's a long story and I'm too tired to write about it now- but more on that later.

Friday was a busy day. In the morning I met with legal councel at Massachusetts Committee against Discrimination to discuss my GRE experience. I cannot really remark on what went on due to the sensitive nature. But what i will say is this: MCAD is amazing. If anyone feels they've been discriminated against in Massachusetts- please seek councel from MCAD, they will help you.

After MCAD, i had an endocrinology appointment. Non-diabetic related. Suspect Addison's disease... it's somehow related to Type 1 diabetes and also has similar symptoms as the ones i have been experiencing. tomorrow morning i am going into the hospital for testing- so we'll see.

I went shopping today for work clothes- real work clothes. not only are suits stiff and drab, but they really have no good place to put an insulin pump. all the pants have either fake pockets or pockets that are too small to fit a pump. i am thinking of sewing a pocket on the inside of the suit jacket. someone should start a company that makes business clothes or clothes in general for pump wearers- it's always such a hassle finding clothes that fit properly with the pump. and my pump is attached to me at all times, so it must always be considered when shopping for new clothes- especially dresses. i am so happy that dresses with pockets is the newest fashion fad. i almost jumped for joy!

i am so tired. i am only allowed two hours of sleep tonight. tomorrow morning i am also being tested for epilepsy... i really doubt i have it but my doctors want to test me for everything that causes the various symptoms i've been experiencing... i am so desparate for answers and solutions that i'm going along with whatever they say- which is not usual for me- i usual protest more.

so anyways, i guess i'm not supposed to sleep for more than three hours before this test. i am thinking about getting some coffeee... hmmm...

well i hope you are well and as healthy as possible. i'll write more later.

Denied Again

2008-11-11T11:46:00.001-05:00

Okay people! this sicko followed the rules. i applied for accommodations for my LSAT and guess what (?)! i was DENIED ALL ACCOMMODATIONS. i was told i could reschedule the test and try to apply for accommodations again. the only problem- if i take it after the scheduled date i have to wait a whole extra year to apply for law school. and guess what, i need to be in school next fall for health insurance reasons. therefore, i must take the LSAT without accommodations. which means, by the rules, my insulin pump is illegal. thus, i am going to have to sneak it in and pray my blood sugar doesn't go low. so see, even if you do play by the rules, you get screwed as Sicko in this society.

Navagating the Loopholes and following "The Rules"

2008-11-07T19:47:00.002-05:00

so today i made my rounds to the doctors, collecting the various documentation necessary to receive accommodations for the LSAT. the process of collection has been long and obnoxious. i've fought with doctors to sign the paper work, the bureaucracy at school to support the paperwork... which i'd like to add, my university's disability services proved beyond obliging and helpful - i am forever grateful. i paid $20 to overnight the paperwork and now i sit... and wait... with my fingers crossed because lets face it, even with a bible of proof, nothing is guaranteed, even for a diabetic test-taker. it'd be obnoxious to follow the rules only to still be denied. maybe i'd have to write the globe for them to do a follow-up on how even when you play by the rule book disabled americans still get systemically denied. i'd be interested to read the comments section on that article.

i saw no less than three doctors today. they all said the same thing- i am a medical anamoly. no suprise. just more prednisone. i had to get my flu shot and thus, i had to up the prednisone so as that my immune system wouldn't rip me apart. i have my fingers crossed on this issue too.

another finger-crossing issue is the nomination of lawrence summers, former president of harvard, to obama's short list for secretary of treasury. harvard fired him for a reason and a good reason at that. anyone who thinks women are intrinsically different and thus, less able at math and science, should not be elected to any short list unless it is the short list to the door. like i said, i have my fingers crossed.

Peter Logic

2008-11-06T22:11:00.001-05:00

The Insulin Pump Phone and The Diabetic Cashier

2008-11-06T20:05:00.002-05:00

So Today, almost like every day, i went to the grocery store after class. I am utterly incapable of writing a grocery list for a number of reasons, and thus resort to grocery shopping every other day. The first reason being, every time i write a list i misplace the list. Second, i never remember to even write the list in the first place. and finally, something about buying a week's worth of groceries and then seeing the total after everything is rung up, makes my stomach cringe. i don't like spending all my money in one place at one time, especially when it's whole foods. they should have discount prices for those with food allergies - i am essentially reduced to shopping at whole paycheck. therefore, i'm always at the grocery store.

anyways, one of the cashiers at whole foods "happens to have diabetes". by the way, i hate that phrase, but i employ it to satisfy my fellow pickier diabetics- the ones who claim "they aren't diabetics, rather they are people who happen to have diabetes." call it what you will, you have diabetes and thus, you're diabetic. but hey, i'll respect your label preference in writing.... but in spoken language, all that "happen to have" stuff is too much of a mouth-full for this diabetic!

where was i? oh yea, the cashier. anyways, since i go shopping everyday, i already come across as an oddball to most of the cashiers. but the diabetic one knows me. we have an understanding. but here's my conundrum, if i go to her aisle, i always feel like she's counting carbs with me as she slides my items across the counter. pizza: 63 carbs; loaf of bread: 27 carbs per slice; yogurt: 28 grams o carb... and then comes my habitual pint of ben&jerry's and the true sign i am a 'bad' diabetic. i am an ice-cream-a-holic. thus, when i go through her line, i am reduced to poking fun at myself and my bad diabetic-ness. she goes along, she's my age and understands that diabetics need their ice cream full just as much as any other. i don't think she even judges me. but because she's diabetic, her knowing that i'm buying ice cream, makes me judge me. and it drives me insane with guilt. i've even cut down on ice cream consumption to avoid this fateful circumstance. i buy more veggies and good things. and i just buy my ice cream at the cumbies market located a few blocks from my house :) whoops. but what am i to do? i am stuck for a number of reasons...

first, if i start using a different person's line, they'll judge me for being an ice cream addict rather than just a bad diabetic. and i'm not sure which is worse. the judgemental stares from whole foody types, telling me i should buy organic, vegan, fruit fly ice cream or... my diabetic cashier who most likely understands rather than judges, but by virtue of her diabetes, makes me weary? i've decided to stick with 'my people' and my diabetic cashier.

so anyways, today i did my routine dance with my diabetic cashier. we acted excited to see each other. we traded diabetic humor. we made elaborate plans for hanging out, both knowing it'd never pan out. the funny thing is, we canceled previously made, sensational plans and swapped with new plans for our grand diabetic pow-wow. it'll most likely never happen, just like we both never made it to the walk for diabetes. we decided it'd be better not to act as the token diabetics for our marching families, they could walk on their own. after all, that's what we do everyday anyways. sure enough, we appreciate our families' efforts, we just don't want to participate in anything remotely diabetic cultish- like diabetes camp, for example, now that was scary. but that's a story for a different post. nor do we want to fill ourselves with false hope. lets face it, i hope there's a cure coming, but i won't fool myself.

rather, i'll resort to humor. and here's where the insulin pump blackberry phone comes into play. my diabetic cashier and i decided, the solution to both grocery lists, blood sugar meters and insulin pumps is an all-in-one insulin pump-blood sugar meter- black-berry phone. it'd be fantastic! think of all the jokes:

-"if i don't answer my phone, it could be fatal - literally"
-"this call is life and death"
-"my phone's connected... and not just to a network"
-"can i borrow your phone? not unless you want to take me with it!"

and think of all the pluses,

- i'd never lose my cell or my grocery list again, because it'd be attached to me at my hip - literally!
-and talk about multitasking... imagine it... my pump would be blue-tooth capable. i wonder if i could voice command insulin doses?

and i wonder, if my pump was a blackberry... would it be against the GRE rules? what if i put it on silent?

Recall on Insulin Syringes

2008-11-06T00:13:00.001-05:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/06/health/06brfs-INSULINSYRIN_BRF.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink

Hope

2008-11-05T11:56:00.001-05:00

Mr. President

2008-11-04T23:45:00.002-05:00

I've never been more proud to be alive here, in this time, apart of history - having my vote count.

Mr. President, I am at your service, I will do whatever to make this country keep going in the direction it's going.

commentary on the globe article

2008-11-04T19:42:00.004-05:00

I'd just like to quote someone's commentary on the Globe article and then my response posted to that commentary:

"Sara - Something else to consider: What if you didn't need a pump, but did need to bring drinks in with you to prevent hypoglycemia? Without the insulin pump you would have scant evidence of your condition and would be hard pressed to convince the proctor to allow your beverages. In such a scenario, would you not have informed the testing center ahead of time, to avoid the high likelyhood of being turned away? I would think so. So why would adding the pump to the equation make it any different?

Either...

(a) you didn't know the rules about food and drinks during the test,

(b) you did know the rules but thought the pump would carry weight with the proctor,

(c) you wanted to make a point. "

My response:

"In response to the imagining a scenario without a pump:
Imagine a scenario where you didn’t posses voice and therefore, lacked the means to express your experience as a human.

This is the point. If you don’t hear disabled americans, it’s not because they aren’t there- it’s because they are trying to fit in a world not designed for them. See that’s the thing, if we never changed our perception of normalcy and right, many more of us today would be appealing for accommodations, crying out and stating, certain rules are inherently unfair. Changing the rules is always an uphill process because people are ultimately afraid of change and also, altering definitions of the norm.

The thing is, many people everywhere are trying desperately to fit a circle into a square. We need to change the rules so as that disabled americans don’t have to keep knocking on normalcy’s door. Disabled Americans, along with all those who don’t meet the criteria of this defining line, are just as normal as anyone else. The only difference is, they haven’t been afforded a way in. The only path given to them is a set of unattainable standards that inherently puts them down while raising others up.

So we can sit here and say, they’d fit in if they followed the rules. But in the end, by rules you don’t mean rules for you, but rules only for us ‘other’ people. See the thing is, you don’t have books of ‘extra’ rules to follow because you’re ultimately a square rather than a circle or a rectangle or whatever ‘odd’ shape that’s outside the norm. but this isn’t a society of squares nor even a society of circles. It is a society of shapes rather than a particular shape. So we’d better make space for differences rather than accommodate them with extraordinary rules. In the end, the rule can’t be one of exceptional statuses. The rule must be acceptation over exceptionalization.

People are always afraid of change, of altering the game. There’s always a large out cry when someone speaks out about inequality. But the thing is, if no one knocked on the door of change, we’d still have two different sets of water fountains, different sets of schools for different types of people, etc. and the thing is, we’re essentially saying, because of Disabled Americans’ inherent difference, they must be relegated to a different set of rules, so as not to disturb all other Americans.

So many people are so afraid of change that they are willing to stick to the same old, beyond the point of dysfunction. A certain politician says, ‘it will take all of us to make this momentous change’. He is right. It will take all of us. And the wheel has to start spinning somehow before it can get rolling. "

Some Reviews

2008-11-04T11:39:00.001-05:00

http://ducknetweb.blogspot.com/2008/11/rule-riles-diabetic-test-taker.html

http://www.emrupdate.com/blogs/ducknet/archive/2008/11/03/rule-riles-a-diabetic-test-taker.aspx

My Stance in relation to the Boston Globe Article

2008-11-04T00:33:00.001-05:00

(I posted this on my Facebook earlier today and I wanted to copy it onto Sicko Politico, even though it has overlapping statements to the once i've already come out with)

In relation to the globe article, in my own right, i'd like to state: i never purposely meant to bypass rules. in addition, there is no rule against wearing a medical devise. secondly, i do not think i am an exception. in fact, i see myself among millions of other disabled americans who fight each day to fit in an abled man's world. i think accommodations on testing are inherently unequal, in that i must endure a lengthy appeal process in addition to the time it takes to study for the test. in addition to that, i already have the added stress of a chronic illness to care for- which is like caring for an infant or having a second, full-time job.

this article IS NOT ABOUT ME. it is about how it's inherently unfair that disabled americans are subjected to the type of scrutiny and microscopic judgment exhibited by accommodations statuses on standardized testing. it's a
"separate but equal status"... it cause psychological stress and dehumanizes disabled americans in that they are reduced to their disease or disability, etc. they are no longer student, but broken- something other than the norm. therefore, they are subjected to be placed apart from the norm. they have to sit in separate rooms and take testing under a different standard because able bodied americans wouldn't "trust" them otherwise.

again, i never meant for this article to focus on me as a person- yet an issue in concern to disability RIGHTS. yes, we have them. i wanted people to see the bigger picture in relation to the inherent flaws in standardized testing in general.

in the end, i won't back down from my stance solely because a couple closed minded individuals are afraid of change. they are afraid of the whistle blower. well people, i don't have a whistle, i have a horn. so watch out and listen closely, because i'll never stop making noise.

2008-11-03T23:54:00.006-05:00

this is an insulin pump, just like the one i wear, only mine is purple.

i've named my pump Sam.

sickness has rituals. like naming an insulin pump. celebrating D-Day [diagnosis day] - mine is March 28th. last year marked 10 years. i ate cake.

This is how i insert my insulin pump, every other day. it doesn't hurt- usually- unless i hit a blood vessel or a nerve. it's almost like the lunar lander landing on mars, only i'm mars.

i don't name the insertion device. we're not friends like that.

this is my continuous glucose sensor. it wirelessly transmits blood sugar date to my pump. we have an off and on relationship, because she's such a pricey date. if i were to take her out every day, she'd cost me about $400 a month because insurance companies don't cover her yet. i haven't named her either because i'm not sure how long term our relationship is going to be yet. i'm starting to get the feeling she might be a gold digger.

this is the sensor in action. look, you even get a hologram across your belly, blood sugar reading and all. of course, i am joking about the hologram.

now finally, does any of all this look like an ipod? not really. it more looks like cyborg technology. i'm literally a hybrid, half woman, half gadget + insulin pump. i don't mind, it gives me edge. or at least, i'd like to think so.

anyways all you Sickos, i'm wiped. i need to go to bed or my other maladies my kick my butt tomorrow. and today has been one tiring day. and tomorrow is going to be so exciting, i have to have some sort of energy reserve.

so in closing, i'd like to say goodnight.

goodnight to all my dreamers who believe in a better world.

to those who don't give up, despite the most unlikely odds.

to those who suffer in silence and despair, my your dreams tonight take you away from every last ache.

may you wake tomorrow with a reservoir of hope, energy and determination to keep on waging this crazy battle called disability.

and when your very last hope leaves with the cold winter air, remember you are not alone. and you do count for something. you matter. so don't give up. don't despair.

stick to your dreams and you will truly fly.

A Song

2008-11-03T22:59:00.001-05:00

A diabetic friend from diabetes camp just wrote to me via facebook, “you’re my hero.” and it’s not the personal recognition that makes my heart swell – it’s that I know she is happy because her voice is finally out there. And oh what a sweet relief it is to sing after so long.

Stuffed in a box of stiff rules

2008-11-03T11:40:00.005-05:00

I just read the comments on the article about my experience at the GRE. First some clarifications.

THE FIRST THING I DID WAS NOTIFY THE PROCTOR OF MY MEDICAL DEVISE.

secondly, IT IS NOT ABOUT WHETHER I FOLLOWED THE RULES - IT IS ABOUT HOW THE RULES ARE UNFAIR TO DISABLED STUDENTS.

why should i have to appeal to anyone to WEAR A MEDICAL DEVISE REQUIRED FOR ME TO LIVE?

it isn't about whether i followed the rules, it's about whether the rules are fair to begin with.

i never thought this article would cause such hatred and misunderstanding. it's just example of how people don't understand the lives of disabled people everywhere.

everyone will eventually be disabled by something at some point in their lives, it's nothing to have a chip about, but it is something to understand.

in addition, this just evidences how people can't understand anything outside the norm. they can't conceptualize a society different and more accepting of difference. this is how segregation happened in our country. this is how people were excluded on the basis of their skin. do we forget already that once African Americans couldn't register to vote because they didn't pass the limitus test that defined citizenship. would you say then that they should have followed the rules? obeyed? should they have not sat at the counters of Woolworth in protest? all you law students claiming i should follow the rules don't understand the true purpose of law. law is about interpreting rules and creating new codes from those interpretations. law isn't set in stone. law is living like language. it ebbs and flows with the time. we aren't stuck in some unchanging stone age of backwardness where we can't conceptualize new ways of being. no, instead we are perfectly capable of creating new rules so as that more people have access to this society. but some people shake in their boots when they hear mention of the word change. well let the wind blow people, because it's coming.

so all you lovers of rules, recheck your priorities.

in addition, there were two other test takers in the room. neither of them heard my pump beep because it was muffled. one of the test takers had head phones on, so he didn't hear anything.

and why should i explain myself to these people? after all, THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME AS INDIVIDUAL. INSTEAD THIS IS ABOUT A SYSTEM THAT FAILS TO INCLUDE EVERYONE IN A FAIR, JUST, MANNER.

i'm not backing down just because the status quo is pouting that someone finally spoke up.

Reflection

2008-11-03T07:37:00.005-05:00

Only a couple hours after i sent out the notice on the Globe Article, my Clara Barton Friends started writing in, giving thanks for speaking out. I just want to say first of all, no thanks deserved here. If anything, I want to thank the diabetic community for standing behind me.

To be honest, I was quite nervous about doing the Boston Globe piece. I thought to myself, "now everyone would have to know." I wasn't sure i was ready to "out" myself to everyone- including my own community at school. Many of my professors, bosses, coworkers, classmates, etc still don't know i have diabetes because i hide it well. But lately, i've become exhausted with the masking what's really there- the real me. because as much as i want to hide my diabetes, it is apart of me, so i must accept it. and i must learn to love it. ultimately, diabetes as an identity trumps all of my other identities and social markers. in the end, my experience is navigated more by my disease than my gender, race, sexuality, etc. because of all of those other things i am, i am through disease. not to say i am only diabetes - no, i am much more.

but still, at the end of the day, i worry my teachers will view me as less than because i am a Sicko. i've witnessed the transformation before - one day i'm a brilliant mind filled with potential and the next i am just a thing sitting on death row. nothing hurts more than not having your opinions matter.

in addition, i wouldn't say my politics is formed from disease but informed by it. i don't believe there is a singular disability politic but disability issues. and i think as a community of disabled persons, we coalesce around such issues in a political manner. but that's not to say all disabled Americans share one politics - a disability politic that is inherently different from a "healthy" person's politic. no, instead i think disability issues fit into the larger subset of party politics. i think an identity-based politic takes away from the complex and intersecting identities existent within anyone community or person. because in the end, my politic isn't solely informed by disease- it is also informed by my experience as a woman and an Irish-American, agnostic, white, middle-class, educated person in America. all those identities converge to form me. at one time or another, one of those competing identities comes to the forefront of my political agenda. sometimes I'm more active with issues in relation to women's rights and at other times, labor rights, religious rights or education, etc. i will say, in the end, most of the time I'm on the disability bandwagon. at others, i want to leave that identity at home. but more and more, I'm "coming out" to those around me about my experience as a Sicko in America.

I think "coming out" about disability is an important process and movement. if more people "came out" about their situation i feel we'd garner more understanding- hopefully.

on a side note, PLEASE VOTE TOMORROW SICKOS!!! and VOTE OBAMA. OBAMA IS FOR US SICKOS.

one way to get the word out on disability issues is to VOTE!

Rule riles a diabetic test-taker - The Boston Globe

2008-11-03T05:19:00.001-05:00

Rule riles a diabetic test-taker - The Boston Globe

Posted using ShareThis

can you feel the butterflies?

2008-11-02T23:17:00.006-05:00

it's almost Tuesday people!!! i can't believe it- it's here. after 8 long years and what has been a political lifetime for myself, it is finally here- election day.

yesterday, i spent some time thinking back on my political memory. my first recollection being in 2nd grade, it was the election year face off between Bush 1 and Clinton. i made a sign in my second grade class protesting the reelection of Bush Senior. my teacher told me politics wasn't for the classroom- after one of my republican classmates cried about my sign. i regret i wasn't informed about my rights to display my sign and retreated to the back of the classroom. but in the back of my head, i always knew i was right.

i think after that incident my political conscious went into hibernation until the most recent Iraq war. 9/11 didn't even awake the sleeping lion. sure, i was shocked, but more at the personal loss than the broader implications of war.

the funny thing is, i remember the first gulf war. i remember looking at the tv screen in my classroom. and when i mentioned something about the war, my teacher turned and remarked, "it isn't a real war." this always fascinated me as a child. what constituted a 'real' war? when is war 'fake'? i've come to the personal conclusion that any time someone dies due to armed conflict, their death is attributable to war. it only takes one causality- one loss of life.

my childhood was pretty unremarkable in regards to politics. the only other protest i participated in was against barney- i really didn't like him. in 4th grade when timothy McVeigh blew up the Oklahoma city federal building, i went classroom to classroom raising money to donate to the red cross. i remember feeling pretty proud of myself for this ingenious initiative. i even raised enough money to plant a tree at my school in honor of the victims. although, i think the tree is dead now, along with everything else. the principle at my school asked me to give a speech at the memorial day parade on my good services to the people of Oklahoma. all i remember was i mixed up my index cards, failed to improv and embarrassed myself miserably. i figured i'd just stick to fund raising after that point- it seemed to be my forte.

at community college, i stole a peace professor's wind during a planned protest for teacher contracts. no one showed up at the meeting location- the main lobby to the school. no one was paying attention and time was running out before the local press arrived. the few people waiting were confused, so i naturally decided to take over. i told people entering the building to sit down with me- and for some odd reason they did. once i got a couple hundred people sitting, i explained the cause. then i led them out the door to the front steps, chanting some catchy gimmick i made up in my head seconds before. the press arrived, all went well and the teachers eventually got their contracts. but the thing that really peeved me, was the fact the teacher in the peace studies department actually got mad at me because it was suppose to be a silent protest. i told the professor to her face, if she had really wanted to be the leader of this protest, she should have showed up on time to the meet point- organized. instead, she showed up 45 minutes too late and the protest took on a life of it's own. it was no longer silent and she shouldn't try to silence the will of the people anyways. she didn't get it. whatever, in the end the press interviewed her and i just stood amongst the crowd - where i felt i belonged anyways. we chanted more songs behind her during her interviews. it was a good day.

but like i said, my life was never too remarkably political in comparison to the life of a refugee- for example. but now things are different. i realize, everything i do is political. and Tuesday is by far the most omnipresent day in politics, in my short life.

Tuesday is the second election I've ever voted in. The first being 2004. and honestly, after 2004 i vowed never to vote again. what a horrible election- not as bad, technically, as 2000... but psychologically worse. how could we elect him again? i had really believed my vote counted. but it didn't.

but this Tuesday, my vote does count. whether or not we win, i know my vote counts. and i know this change is real. and i know Obama means business. and i believe in him like i've never believed in a politician before, aside from Ted Kennedy. this is real. we will elect Obama. and once again, we will make government what it ought to be, a defender of the people, for the people and by the people.

a world made for everyone

2008-11-02T20:11:00.001-05:00

Interesting

2008-11-02T20:05:00.001-05:00

decent work

2008-11-02T19:50:00.000-05:00

The Prank

2008-11-02T19:40:00.000-05:00

I think it speaks for itself.

Stem Cell Research and my Kidney named Jane

2008-11-02T11:40:00.004-05:00

I hate the argument proposed by pro-lifers that stem cell research is not moral because it kills life. if people knew the facts, they'd know one of my kidneys is more differentiated and complex than a stem cell. why not just name my kidney?

so i did. i named one of my kidneys Jane. i decided to leave the other unnamed, figuring one of them would go someday - that is assuming stem cell research never goes anywhere.

the counter argument to my argument is always, "stem cells have the potential to become life". well here's the thing, without my kidneys, i wouldn't have life either. so kidneys support life. therefore, my kidney Jane, being more developed than a stem cell, is more supportive of current life than potential life. and lets really look at potential. it's called potential because it's a possibility. but we all know potential doesn't always pan out. that's why it's called potential... as a kid, people would say, "she has great potential". in my teens, such potential just turned to trouble. sure, now i've returned to my supposed potential, but it's not to say it didn't go askew for awhile. in relation, maybe such said stem cell/fetus would go askew and be miscarried. then it's no longer potential - it's just dead - like my islet cells.

so for all you pundits against stem cell research... lets try a little experiment. the next time your kid gets sick and asks you, "will i be okay?" i want you to tell them the truth. say: "no honey, you are not going to be okay because i support life - just not your life." stare a kid in the eye who has just been diagnosed with some chronic or life threatening illness and say, "sorry you're going to die because i believe in the potential of a little cell more than the value of your current life." i guarantee if you go to the pediatric oncology ward of any hospital, you'd drop your pro-life rhetoric. because after a short visit to the dying, you'd realize the true meaning of life. life isn't potential. it isn't the future tense. life is now, it is present. because who's to say what comes tomorrow. who lives, who dies. who's who. more so, life isn't a theory to be argued. it's an existence, albeit a short one.

therefore, not only do we need to reconsider the consequences of saying no to life-saving science. we need to reconsider under what circumstances we go to war. because inevitable, war is also about life. and ironically, most of the pro-lifers out there are pretty pro-war. and that's the really annoying thing... pro-lifers aren't really about all life, but only certain life. some people don't fall into such a category. like the Iraqis for instance. it doesn't matter that they die, as long as we live. sure, not all pro-lifers think this way- but their message is clear. some life matters, while some others' don't.

therefore, are you really willing to risk your child for a cell? if the answer is no, than your response to stem cell research must be yes. because after all, what is fair for one child must be fair for all children.

and if you aren't willing to risk your own offspring to the consequences of war, than don't promote any war, in any place. because inevitably, war is about death, rather than life.

W.

2008-11-02T11:31:00.002-05:00

i went to see W last night. the movie really wasn't that good. it needed to be more biting. i did however, learn more about the man W. i learned more about his family. but in the end, i didn't walk away with anything profound. it's definitely not worth seeing in the movie theater. in addition, at the end of the movie, i almost felt bad for W. the poor dude is quite pitiful. in the end, i had to remind myself, W isn't really someone i need to be feeling bad for. the only really impressive job was done by the woman who played Rice- she did an incredible job.

anyways, long story short- the real W is much more compelling than the hollywood version. just youtube W and you'll find a lot more interesting things on the man than the movie. and at this point, i don't think we need to promote sympathy for a man who has wrecked our government and foreign relations over the last 8 years. it's just sick.

Ted on CHIP

2008-11-01T21:12:00.001-04:00

"All children deserve a healthy start in life, and all parents deserve the peace of mind that they can take their children to the doctor if they’re sick.

When children get the care they need, they do better academically, emotionally, physically and socially—this is an investment in their futures.

Quality heath care for children isn’t just a nice idea. It’s not something we wish we could do. It’s something we have to do and something we can do.

The President and Members of Congress have health insurance. Our children receive the best health care in the world. If it’s good enough for the President and for Senators, surely it’s good enough for poor children across our land.

The children of America need our care. They need our compassion. They need us to not shortchange their dreams but instead to give them the chance in life they deserve."

Ted Kennedy

More on Ted and Health Care

2008-11-01T20:57:00.000-04:00

Know the Difference

2008-11-01T20:33:00.003-04:00

The Candidates have been tossing around their health care rhetoric. But to help make sense of lingo from fact, read the following article in the New York Times.

PS- the obama plan is better. in my sicko opinion.

Understanding Michael Jackson

2008-11-01T17:57:00.003-04:00

Like many, I've never really understood Michael Jackson. I've always appreciated "Billy Jean." But lately, besides the child molestation charges, I've begun to understand Michael Jackson a little more.

I, like many, never understood the skin change Jackson underwent. Why would he want to be white? it's a common question in relation. But then I discovered Jackson suffers from Vitiligo. It all started to make a little more sense.

Another question always bubbling in relation to Jackson, is why does he always cover up when outside? I mean he goes to extensive measures to "hide" from what I thought was the public. But recently I discovered, Jackson has Lupus. Anyone with Lupus understands that exposure to UV-rays triggers Lupus flare-ups. Thus, I realized, Jackson is just taking precautionary measures in relation to his diseases (Vitiligo is also worsened by sun exposure).

I still can't explain the child molestation charges.. but I am starting to understand why, perhaps, Jackson named his child Blanket. Blankets protect from the sun, so maybe he was fondly naming his child after something that protects him?

Anyways, I am starting to feel, as a Sicko, I should have a little more sympathy for Jackson's odd choice of life style. After all, perhaps many question why I always carry around elmo juice boxes (low blood sugar). Or why is my purse so freakin big all the time? (it's a carry-around pharmacy). Like I said, I'm not a fan of people creepy to children. But I can sort of see why Jackson does sometimes what he does. Maybe we need to be a little more open-minded to alternative life styles- so long as they don't hurt anyone else.

Sicko Prayers

2008-10-30T22:18:00.004-04:00

you know, as a kid, i never went to church with my family, primarily because my family never went to church. but i did go to church with my friend Jenna, catholic mass with my friend Chris and synagogue with my friend Shai. and in college, i've studied everything from Buddhism to Islam. my first years in college i rejected my parents' token Christmas tree. my mom is agnostic, so i thought it silly we celebrate Christmas, so i told her i'd celebrate the winter solstice with her. over time, that changed, like my love for Latin American revolutions. so i decided i'd become a Jew. but that's a serious choice, so i decided to put it off until i could 'commit myself without turning back'. but then i found Islam and my inner peace. i discovered my inner Muslim. but then i made the mistake of watching Bill Maher's Religulous. and finally i found my calling, i am truly as agnostic as i started. i believe in spiritual things, i'm just confused about which spiritual things i believe in. but that doesn't mean, every once in awhile, when i'm in a real bind, i don't resort to prayer, because i do. and because somethings are definitely worth praying about. therefore, i thought tonight we could engage in a little public prayer on my behalf - together. i don't really care what your religion is, as long as you believe in the greater good of humanity, you are on the side of good karma.

so here are my prayers, in no particular order.

dear god(s) and goddess(es) and other spiritual beings or things... i find myself between a very large rock and a very hard place. and i believe many of my comrades are also downright downtrodden. therefore, i beg and plead for you to hear me out and not necessarily grant my wishes (although that'd be nice)... but if only to lend an ear, i'd be most appreciative...

so genies and ghosts alike, here's what's on my worrisome mind:

if Barack Obama isn't elected president of the United States of America, I among many, may extinguish all hope forever. he is the physical embodiment of all my hopes for america in the future. and although it goes against all sicko logic to places all one's eggs in one basket, i am human and thus, i have done so. therefore, if any celestial spirits are out there that would like to lend assistance in safe-guarding the election so as that the republicans don't commit errors such as those of 2000, i'd be very grateful. now, i'm not asking for a particular outcome (although that'd be nice) but i'd settle for a fair, honest election above all else. let the true will of the american people be heard, whatever that may be.
i've been awfully sick lately, and although selfish since many are sick, a little good health until graduation (december) would receive the utmost gratitude from namely, myself.
world peace, a lofty wish, but nonetheless always worth putting in the top 5.
and world peace, once more for good luck.
and what the heck, world peace, because it's really important
please, please lets do something about the environment. i know the world can't last forever, but lets not totally destroy the place before its had its last dance. and it'd be a horrible reputation to be the organism that ruined the party for everyone else. so perhaps lets get a move on those alternative energies. may you spiritual beings could do some lobbying in Washington?
watch over ted kennedy, he's a good man and deserves some irish luck.
please watch over the small fish everywhere, they are especially hard hit this year, and i can't stand to see any more injustice in this world.
a lot more understanding across and within cultures, please.
acceptance of all beings, no matter what shape, size, color, make, etc.
barack obama for president, again for good luck.
a general relief of poverty, famine and disease.
more food for more children worldwide.
more shelter for more children worldwide
a cure for diabetes, lupus, celiac disease, cancer, HIV/AIDS, TB, sars, enough with the bird flu, paraplegia, dementia, Parkinson's disease, MS, arthritis, malaria, West Nile virus, river blindness, malnourishment, hepatitis, etc.
do something about all the prejudice and stigma in this world. please.
don't let anyone overturn the roe v. wade decision.
end segregation of all sorts everywhere.
please hide all the violent weapons in this world... and preferably disarm all Nukes. and biological weapons... okay lets just say weapons in general, inclusive of nasty words used to violate people.
please make all forms of education free, fair, and accessible to everyone.
worldwide shelter from the various "storms"

and finally, thanks to all you spiritual beings who are listening out there. your time and ears are most graciously appreciated... considering most people, most places are never heard.

oh wait, one more request,

that each and every soul possess a loud, clear, audible and powerful voice for their experience. because every voice counts.

thanks and goodnight.

yours truly,
Just another Sicko

On Ted Kennedy

2008-10-30T13:29:00.003-04:00

Someone needs to write a book on Ted Kennedy. I think he's my personal hero. He's done more for this country and the state of Massachusetts than any other Kennedy, yet, historians neglect his role in comparison. Not to say his brothers weren't great, they were. But you don't need to be a Martyr to be a hero. Ted Kennedy has always been my hero, especially since he was my late Grandma's hero. She use to say Ted Kennedy was the last standing example of what it really means to be Liberal. I agree. Sure, maybe the guy doesn't have a perfect track record, but his political record is all the matters to me- and that's pretty near perfect. He has always fought for the little guy, like me. He's like the Grandfather and Protector of Massachusetts. He makes me proud. In fact, thinking of Ted Kennedy makes my chest swell with pride. He's my Senator.

At the end of the day, I hope Ted Kennedy understands how much the people of Massachusetts love him. He's our hero. I know he's gotten a lot of attention since becoming sick, but he's always been at the center of my political spectrum- sick or not. And sick or not, Ted Kennedy has always fought on behalf of sick people everywhere. So lets cheer Ted on. Lets tell him how great he is- how he is a hero to all of us Sick people everywhere.

Please wish Ted Kennedy well.

Politicians I love

2008-10-30T13:23:00.003-04:00

Ted Kennedy
Barack Obama
Hillary Clinton

what do they all have in common? they are all democrat. and they all support the health care reforms Sickos need. so please show the democratic party some love next tuesday! they are on our side.

Vaccines and Steve the typical, Fundamentalist, Valley Liberal

2008-10-30T11:53:00.005-04:00

Recently, i met Steve the Typical, Fundamentalist, Valley Liberal. Don't get me wrong, I'm as Blue as they come. But the one thing that really annoys me, is extremism in any color. Anyways, Steve the Extreme one morning tried to convince me of a couple ludicrous theories. The first being, his anti-vaccination campaign. He told me, 'vaccinations are a government devise to make us sick and spend money on drugs.' After which, he proceeded to tell me about the "chemical trails"... these so-called "chemical trails" are clouds the government sprays over us to make us sick - according to Steve, the Extreme Liberal. Okay, this is ridiculous and so is Steve. Maybe i disagree with governmental policies on some levels, but i don't think our government is out to maliciously harm us. More so, i don't think the government controls the weather. See it's people like Steve that gives us Massachusetts liberals a bad reputation, because Steve is an Extremist, just like all the Fundamentalist Republicans many of us bash - Steve the Extreme and them suffer from the same disease.

Anyways, once upon a time I too use to be anti-vaccination. I even blamed vaccines for causing my Diabetes. But then, i truly sat down and thought about it. Vaccines come down to herd immunity. that's how they protect us from disease. the theory being, if the majority of the herd is vaccinated, the few that slip through the cracks won't become diseased. of course this theory is faulty in some respects, but in many it holds up. now according to steve, we should halt vaccinations across board. well steve, that's because you're a healthy, 70 something dude. this is what i told steve:

if we stopped vaccinations and relied on your homeopaths, we'd be screwing the poor people. because only the upper-crust can afford your alternatives to vaccines. therefore, if we subtract herd immunity, only the insured and wealthy could afford the health care necessary for when people contract the disease these vaccinations protect against. therefore, you are essentially making a classist argument. whereas since you have moderate wealth, you can claim exemption from participation in public health. in addition, steve is essentially a free-loader on our current public health policies. since the vast majority are vaccinated, he can safely choice to not be vaccinated without facing dire consequences. but if steve were in many other places around the world, he'd be begging for a shot. that's the problem with people in this country, they have no collective memory of disease prior to vaccination.

i urge anyone who forgets what the world is like without vaccination to watch RX for Survival.

i guarantee after watching RX for Survival, you'll rethink your agenda on vaccination.

Now on to debunk Steve's other theories. My favorite: the Steve 9/11 thoery. Steve claims 9/11 is the result of the "Globalists". i ask steve to define the globalists and he couldn't give me a definitive answer. that's a hint to how shallow his argument is. then, he proceeds to tell me that planes never flew into the twin towers- they were halographs. okay, steve- sure. i think he was trying to play off my youth, thinking i'd believe whatever he said. i told him i knew someone who died on one of those planes, Amy Sweeney. he told me she was hijacked by the government and killed. No, steve, she was on a plane that crashed into the towers. people like steve really piss me off. they have no awareness of other peoples' pain in connection to the events of 9/11. they take away all historical agency to come up with ludicrus theories which blame the government and forget the real facts on the ground. of course, the bush administration royally messed some things up. but as much as i don't agree with the bush administration, i won't say it's as demon-like to have set up a tragedy like 9/11. like i said, steve is an extreme.

then steve tells me that the Egyptians never built the pyramids, aliens did. (note, this is where i began to suspect steve is an alien). okay, such an argument like that is completely racist. steve is basically saying, i don't believe the peoples inhabiting Egypt were capable of technologies which would have allowed for building of grand structures such as the pyramids. well then, why not doubt the Romans' ability to build the Colosseum? because the Romans were white or western? hmmm. you know what steve, i think the planes crashed into the towers, vaccinations do both good and bad and yes, the Egyptians, not aliens, built the pyramids.

Voices of the Sick

2008-10-29T23:23:00.004-04:00

I don't mean to promote the health section of the New York Times, but these audio clips of the sick are compelling and important. please listen to them.

Voices of BiPolar

Voices of ADHD

The Palin Plan for the "Disabled"

2008-10-28T13:12:00.002-04:00

The Palin Plan, according to the New York Times, calls for disabled students everywhere to be able to attend private institutions over public schools. a couple important questions.... who is she defining as disabled? only those with so-called mental handicaps? or does that include those with learning disabilities like ADHD and dyslexia? does is include chronically sick people? what about the blind or those who move via wheelchair? disabled is an all-encompassing term. therefore, she needs to better define it, so as that we can abstract her true intentions. and how do we know this so-called private education won't be analogous to "separate but equal"? be careful people, before hopping on the bandwagon of political rhetoric spewed by politicians desparate for that extra vote. just because she has a downs baby, doesn't mean she knows what's best. just because she lives in Alaska, doesn't mean she knows shit about foreign policy or anything for that matter about Putin. careful people, careful.

One Week.

2008-10-28T12:18:00.006-04:00

One week from today, we all will hopefully cast our vote. what will be the outcome? why does it matter? are not all politicians the same anyways? the politician may be the same but ultimately, the party differs. and for us Sickos, this vote is very important indeed. McCain's health care policy is a blasphemy and a disgrace. Sickos everywhere will perish under such policy. He is not going to save us money. His plan, ultimately, is to outsource the sick, like everything else in this economy. McCain tosses around the sum of $5,000 as if that will entice us to reason his plan is sound. Some may think, well I'll just use my $5,000 for something else, besides health care. The healthy at least. But for those of us who are sick, we know $5,000 won't last a month or buy any significantly decent health coverage. what it will by, is barely the basic necessity to survive. but at far beyond the cost of a $5,ooo voucher, us sick are barely making it. we're not even squeaking by. so lets not be silly, or kid ourselves. sure, Barack Obama isn't a sure bet, no one is, but his health care policy if far closer to the reality we need to actualize. Perhaps Hillary's was more sound, but hey, they are after all, apart of the same party.

The sickos need to move towards becoming a voiced vote in elections. we have power people. there are more Sickos in America than many other categories of minorities. thus, we encompass a ballot category, whether we chose to admit it or not. that's why politicians appeal to the power of disabled people everywhere, although i wish they wouldn't call us that. come on, are we really inherently disabled? no. but i mean look at all the talk about Palin's downs baby. she understands. does she? if she did, i'd think she know health care is about more than a $5,000 voucher. maybe she isn't as connected to us average janes as she'd like to think. how could she be? so she has a funky accent. but does that mean she truly understands Us? i'm not so sure. and i can't necessarily say that Obama does either. but what i do know is this: Barack Obama is a very intelligent man who surrounds himself with intelligent people who make smart decisions. they are reasonable people who make sound decisions, most often, based upon sound logic. therefore, using some deductive logic myself, out of the two candidates, i think Obama is better equipped to make a better judgement on health care than either McCain or Palin. Sure, maybe Obama won't get it exactly right, but that's what he has Us for. We are The People.

and one more thing, Obama is right, in that it will take All of Us to make The Changes we want to see happen. We Can Not leave everything up to one man or one woman. it takes All of us. therefore, if we do indeed vote Obama into office, i call upon All of you to take part in this new administration. because if we fail to remain active citizens of this nation, we will crumble and we won't change.

i use to be very anti-our-government in my early 20s and late teens. i wanted a revolution, like the ones in Latin America of the 1970s and 1980s. che was my god. i loved Castro. maybe i still do. but after awhile, i began to realize, all the necessary tools to make this society great are already in place. the only thing lacking, is our daily participation to guarantee that things are headed in the right direction. not to say i blame us for everything wrong with this nation.... but just sit down and truly think about the facts on the ground. if we all really worked against discrimination, hate and everything bad, i think we could truly possess a more egalitarian society. in almost any other place in the world, i'd either be dead or not writing this blog. i was never hopped up on pro-american pride until recently. but after hearing stories from Iranians on the disaster that is their experience with their government. on the true lacking of an open society... i began to realize, sure america is far from perfect, but shoot, we must of done something right along the way. i can sit here and call my president a shit head without worrying about people knocking on my door. i could walk out in the street with a skimpy skirt on, flash to the press that i don't wear underwear like Brittany Spears, and still go home at night, relatively safe. i go to school and question the information my teachers present me without getting kicked out of school. i am an educated woman. i can chose my religion freely. and of course, i am sick. and not to say that different social categories in this society don't face consequences due to their minority status- that's not the case. but at least they can protest, with relative safety, at any point their minority status. and we possess a legal framework to fight the system. and i do truly understand it isn't perfect. it doesn't always work. people do face physical harm due to difference and voicing such difference.

but in the end, i remain an optimist. i believe in the greater good of humanity. and i do believe, if we all put our faith in each other, we could somehow learn to live together. i know there are a lot of hurdles to overcome. i know to be white in america is still very much a powerful privilege. or to be straight, healthy, a man or christian, etc. but i also know, people have the power, not only to change themselves, but those around them. and change most often comes through understanding. and if people don't understand, we must make them.

sometimes i feel like an idiot for my optimism. i know what some people think when i say these hopeful things. but don't discount hope, look at what it has done for Obama. and i don't think the issues in relation to discrimination and hate are the fault of those hated and discriminated against. i think it's a problem with those that hate and discriminate. and what i do know about "those" people, is that most often act in direct relation to their fear. therefore, we must eliminate fear due to difference. stigma. we must stop fearing the unknown. and Obama is just another unknown. stop stop fearing him. stop fearing his difference.

and i don't mind if i sound like i'm begging you for your vote, because at this point i am. after 8 long years, i am begging - i am pleading with you - just say "no" to another 4 more years of a party that put bush in office. please.

and for now, within the next week, we must vote. because i don't know the solutions to all our messes. but i do know a good first step would be to put Barack Obama in office.

Calling All Foot Soldiers (or wheels)

2008-10-24T22:15:00.002-04:00

Today is the day we start the revolution for disabled americans everywhere. i am tired of being relegated to the separate but equal status. we must band together and fight the injustices we face daily. we are not alone.

for those out there who've been called crazy because either they've run out of vocabulary to describe your malaise or for those of you that are labeled crazy because you have panic attacks, manic depression, ADD, etc., FROM THIS MOMENT ON YOU ARE NO LONGER CRAZY, ABNORMAL, OR ALONE. in fact, you are quite normal.

today, i reveal to you my malady, i have type 1 diabetes. i tell you this because today i was denied my essential rights as a citizen of this country when attempting to take my GRE. i was utterly humiliated in that i had to literally bend over and pull up my shirt to the proctor of the exam to show him my insulin pump was indeed not an iPod and that it was, yes, attached to my hip. and even then, he refused to believe what is a medical devise was not some mechanism of cheating that i had invented. well hey listen guy, if i could invent anything that had to do with insulin secretion, most likely it would be a new pancreas rather than a GRE-cheater devise that i attach to myself via tube. anyways, the humiliation didn't end there. the guy called his supervisor to 'make sure' i could wear my insulin pump into the testing room (he did this after i started the test). in addition, i was not allowed to bring my blood sugar meter or juice to treat low blood sugar into the testing room. therefore i went four hours 'running my BS high' so as that i didn't have to worry about a low, even though i spent the entire time worrying that i was going to go low and have to lose time on the test to leave the room to drink my juice locked in a locker. meanwhile, the proctor literally looked over my shoulder the entire test to make sure i wasn't cheating with my insulin pump. my gosh, it was so ridiculous. if i could cheat anything with my insulin pump it'd be diabetes, duh.

anyways, needless to say, my idea for a non-profit advocacy group is now going to materialize. not because of today. i had already thought of this five years ago. but today just further cemented in my mind for the need of an NAACP for the invisibly disabled. as one lawyer friend put it, disabled americans are one of the few remaining groups where it's okay to institutionally and blatently discriminate against people. now i don't know about whether we are one of the few groups but i do know it happens and it happens with grand frequency. and i do know that the ADA does not have the provisions to protect us in the manner neccessary. essentially it's the equivolent of the first civil rights legislation created in the 1870s during Reconstruction, it's a nice beta program but us peoples need our 1960s type legislation to get rolling.

therefore, i am calling on all you foot (or wheel, etc) soldiers to get together and join me, it's time we changed the system. it's time we changed the complexication.

We are Not Alone

2008-10-23T15:06:00.002-04:00

I think the worst part of being "Chronic" is the very real feeling of isolation that accompanies being misunderstood. the feelings of being a Freak. 'you are the only possible one going through this situation.' these feelings are justifiable because most Chronic people carry their pain alone. they don't speak up, to no fault of their own. speaking up usually brings unimaginable consequences. from name calling to losing your job. usually, the logic goes, there is no benefit to speaking out. but by not speaking, us Chronic people perpetuate our isolation, our loneliness. and again, i don't blame us for being shy. who wants to talk about the fact, more often than not, your body makes you feel like your going to shit yourself in class or that for you, a cold is not just a cold, but a monster lurking in the closet. and more so, what professor, boss or coworker real needs to hear about your bowel movements or general bodily disfunction. it's embarrassing. yet, if you don't explain yourself, you continually play the game of normalcy. be normal. fit into the system. don't shit your pants in class. don't break out into hives over the latex of a pencil eraser. be normal. or at least do your damn best trying to appear so.

our silence benefits everyone but US. as long as we remain quiet and unseen at the back of the room, everyone lives their lives uninterrupted by the fact, for the majority, this system just doesn't work. from educational policies to the medical complexication, this system doesn't work for US. and let me remind you, because we are really the majority, that means it doesn't benefit most people.

we must stop pretending to belong to this imaginary status quo. we are different, but so is everyone. we have different needs and must learn how to ask for them. people won't give us what we need if they don't understand we need something to begin with. and understanding is what we need most.

look, the system is just not working if we're getting kicked out of college because we're sick or more 'absent' than present. it doesn't work when you have to choose between going to school and being a full-time patient. why can't we be both? why is it so unacceptable that some people need to be absent from class more than the norm? does it really mean we learn less or not as well? does it make us 'stupid' that we're sick? do we lack potential because we have more doctors than friends? like a new friend said, my ability to succeed in this system is just proof how smart i am, because i don't fit in the system, so i've had to learn how to outwit it. that takes brains. the fact that i can get As for grades when half the time i'm in class doped up on some sort of drug, mostly benedryl. most people i know can't even spell their name after 25mg let alone 100. not to brag or say that i'm better. but i'm definitely not less equal or less smart just because i'm sick.

i'm tired of ingratiating people with how well i perform. i feel like a dog. look at how well i sit when i have nothing to sit on. look at me, i bark on command. well you know what, i'm tired of trying to perform like the norm. the norm is a fictional being and it's time we decided to 'out' the typical. because it's the atypical that dominates. none of us, sick or not, fit into that glove. we are all deviants.

It's time us Chronic people had a solid voice. From diabetes to HIV/AIDS, lets tell the world how it really is to be sick, not just 3 days a year, but everyday. lets tell 'them' that naps are not just the needs of children and infants, but us too. and because we require a slightly different situation than the healthy, doesn't mean we are less than or not capable of brilliance. we shine just as bright, if only in a different color.

look, i know we're all tired and consumed with illness, but i guarantee if we got together and stopped bearing the burden alone, we'd have more time for those 'other' things, like living. so please, start speaking up, if only a whisper at a time. and whatever you do, know you are not alone and that there are others out there, just like you, only different.

The Biology of Race

2008-10-22T20:02:00.003-04:00

Today I sat in a history class on the Middle East, listening to a fellow student say, "there is a biological aspect to race. Races are biologically different." Then, this student continued on to cite 'twitch-fibers' in muscles as an example of how races are different. AKA, this is why Kenyans run so fast. Ridiculous. I cannot believe that an 'intelligent' college student believes in such a logic. The irony of course, a couple weeks prior, in a different class, i read articles and theories completely debunking the whole muscle-fiber theory on the differences between and amongst races. And more so, for some reason i always feel it is white men who should possess this faulty logic, that biology is the culprit behind the differences amongst peoples. But no, this particular student happened to be of a 'minority'. Goes to show you how all people are capable of being indoctrinated with faulty logic- myself included, of course.

So for the record I'd like to state: race is a social construct, not a biological fact.

On the other hand, disease has much to do with biology. But not everything. For example, perhaps biology allows disease to occur, but society enables disease to become disability. Without biology, we wouldn't have disease, without society, we wouldn't have disability. Of course, that is a very condensed argument. one could say, "well what is biology?" "what is science?" science is also very much a social construct. but these days, everything is a social construct. i feel like social construction has become the new 'my dog ate my homework'. are we so hopped-up on the social construct that we've forgotten about agency? some say that's the point of social constructionism, to provide agency behind things like race, ethnicity, etc. but at what point does so much agency remove agency? and does that even make sense? i just feel that people throw this social constructionism in the wind, kind of like, "well race was socially constructed so what the F am i to do about it?" that's a good question.

so what do we 'do' about race, since it is a social construction, a thing of human imaginings? do we deconstruct it? but how do we take apart the architecture? is there a manual? and how do we make sure we don't construct a new structure of -ism during our Demolition Derby? i guess these are age-old questions. but my thing is, when are we going to quit questioning and start doing something? i think we need to hop on 'this' before the above, un-named studet(s) of the world go on to become our future GBs. scary.

so what does this all have to do with being a Sicko? here it is. in the same sense that i am only a Sicko due to my Society, racial minorities are only minorities. because in actuality, all of us minorities are the majority. and it isn't Us that is sick, it is It. It being The System. the system that attempts to prove Us Sick by Our Biology. When in fact, there is nothing sick about my or your biology. Sure, maybe somethings are 'abnormal' with me, thus I'm a Sicko, but really, how does it really make me all that different from all the really different people out there? so i don't do things like the 'average person'.... well you know what, i'd like to meet this so-called 'average' person. I bet he/she/it is a social construct too. Because in the end, i've never met an 'average' person. I don't know Joe The Plummer. What i do know is this, the person who looks most typical is most often the least typical. i know you can't judge a book by its cover and i know that the concept of normal is just as imaginary as my little friend named lucy i used to talk to when i was five. (by the way, as a kid i never had an imaginary friend and felt very deprived, so i imagined that i had an imaginary friend, as a kid- see how the cycle goes...)

in the end, it isn't to say that a person in a wheelchair experiences the same social disability as a black person in america. obviously or not, different historical factors play into the stigma, prejudice and discrimination felt by various persons and groups. but the point remains, we are all disabled by this society - even the so-called upper crust. because in the end, no one really benefits from a society that raises some up only to put the vast majority down. there is an inherent social guilt that accompanies such society and guilt never reflects positively upon those who harbor it. therefore, as i've said before and will state many more times to come: We are All Sick. We are All Diseased.

Ode to Anger and Disease

2008-10-20T19:49:00.004-04:00

Anger and disease come naturally together- packaged liked the minced meat in the grocery store. It sneaks up on you like the cavity in your mouth you've been telling yourself is a sore due to the rain dribbling outside your windows- for the last four months. A new disease is a like a new relationship. Inevitably there comes a point where you take all your old grievances from your old 'relations' out on the new. It's almost like disease rebound on the new disease. You'd think after awhile, and a certain amount of sickness, you'd stop asking the age old question, "why me?" Unfortunately for us Sickos, the questions never ceases to hover at the back of our minds. Every time some oldie comments on the beauty of our young age, we are once again reminded of the falsehood of book covers and the truth which dictates, never judge one by a cover.

There comes a time where the rage bubbles to the surface, spilling out over everything you love and it burns, it burns deep. The fuming embers of your soul spill on the ones closest by and the fire swells. It can't be helped, despite all great advancements in modern therapy. Inevitably, like gravity, one must spill over on the unknowing, the healthy. After awhile, one tires of the sorrowed glances, making you feel as if your whole body might melt at any moment. You're so fragile in their eyes, but never tough enough. Here is the conundrum of sickness. At first, the family and friends 'coo coo' you on. You're tough, you're a fighter. You'll win. May I ask what we're playing for? Oh right, that'd be life. But the days of aches, pains and moans turn into days, weeks, months and perhaps years. Eventually, those closest to you will start to ask, why aren't you stronger? 'Moan-ahh'- whining won't get you anywhere. Be tough. Stick IT out. We all have to feel shitty, once in awhile. We all have to go to the Doctor. But the main difference between We and Us, the sickos- is that for what is the Occasional We, is the daily Us. The minute by minute, never ending plague of annoyances that is sickness. And in the end, it isn't really the pain that is the pain, it's the system. The never relenting insurance squeeze, the minimum wage that doesn't pay the minimum bill. The Script that goes up because it's cousin just went OTC. The doctors that belittle, "you missed your appointment", without realizing you missed it for a different, 'emergency' appointment - at a different specialist. Doctors are much like teachers. They all expect you to make them your center, without realizing you have 10 other teachers/doctors to contend with at the same time. All giving out homework and extra credit. Unfortunately, unlike school, most homework given by doctors counter-opposes the assignment given by the very next doctor. The Catch 22. It's a double bladed sword and all those other sweet analogies.

So at the end of one very long day, when a very unaware, loved ones says, "come on, just tough it out, stop whining/pouting/complaining/being a wimp", the rage bubble ultimately bursts. And the showers of anger held in so tight, during all those times you wear your, "i'm fine face", come spewing out. You say all the things you can think of, knowing only they will make you sicker. But still, for the moment, it feels good to be honest with the world. Shit, you're sick, not 3 days a year, but 365 days out of every year. If that isn't tough, then i don't know what is. Yet, i get up everyday, even though it should be a sick day, and i put on my normal face. I smile for all you people, so you don't have to feel bad about your genuine good luck. I do the impossible all the time, without anyone noticing- which is precisely what makes it heroic. And at the end of it all, i just want to come home and put on my pout face - just once and awhile. My sour kraut pout and my I-don't-want-to-cooperate tonight supreme. And finally, the last thing I want to be told is, "to tough this one out", because damn it, Right Now - I deserve to take off everything that is fake, untrue and say, "I am in Pain". I am in Pain not for a minute, or a day, but for a Lifetime. And it doesn't have to be this way, you're right. But maybe, if this society made it a little easier for all of us to navigate, I wouldn't have to occasionally wear my long-face in the dark corner of my bedroom. No, instead, maybe i'd get that doctor's appointment or prescription i really needed for $5 instead of $50. Shit, maybe i could go see a physical therapist without a prescription and a 2-hour hassle. But no, instead, i jump hurdles for living faster than an Olympian. I quote-unquote carry my own weight. And against all odds, placed in front of me, not by my own disability, but by this very society, which tells me to be tough, i survive- day by day. And i'm proud.

but still, at the end of the day, if i want to put my sour kraut face on, then leave it be. don't tell me i'm a 'wimp', a 'whiner', or 'sore-loser'. Because i am none of those things. But what i am, is fed up and tired of wearing my normal face. So when i rip off my mask and tell you how it really is, be scared, because it is a scary truth i live- as a Sicko in Society.

Ode to Adrenaline, Steroids, Benedryl and Lucky Bamboo

2008-10-04T23:23:00.005-04:00

Sickos:

i sit and write to you high on drugs, not of the illegal sorts. funny what it is to be sick, one must wage war against one's own bodily vessel, the body sacred. i cooked dinner tonight; it was plain and simple. pasta, tomato sauce, some organic chicken/spinach sausage. garlic. i ate one bite, that's all it took. i noticed my face immediately lit on fire, i was burning alive. and then came the itch. first circulating around my hairline, like lice on a kindergartner. but there it was, the bloat, the unmistakable rash. i ran to the bathroom for a reality check: the mirror. i looked at my chest to see blistering hives dance across me, screaming- ha ha we got you now. i panicked. should i go to the the local hospital t-minus 20 minutes? i could go to the university's health services, t-minus four minutes plus a few extra taken not to hit drunk kids in stride? i could call the all-time scary ambulance?

definitely no to the ambulance- it would cost $900 in transportation fees because my insurance doesn't cover the ambulance or the oxygen they'd most likely give me on the ride over. plus ambulance rides guarantee panic attacks... the whole thing is dramatic. the sirens, the noise, the 100 + question game, the onlooking, nosy neighbors curious to see why you are on a stretcher. the questions. but mostly the noise and forfeiting even more control over to the health care workers. never fun. never worth the call unless absolutely necessary. so then what? hospital or university health care?

maybe, on the hospital. they are fully equipped to handle anaphylaxis plus other ensuing medical dilemmas. but now after downing 30 ml of bendryl, can i make the ride on my own? the answer is absolutely not.

this leaves me one option, the university's health clinic. sometimes they're good. but when it's bad, it's really bad. were they equipped to save me? i didn't know but i had to bet on it. i figured if things progressed beyond my control i'd have them call in the waambulance. i'd leave it to them to dial 911. meanwhile, they could drug me to the moon and back in vein effort to stop my immune system.

when i got to the health clinic three students waited. most people would let out a sigh of relief, thinking they wouldn't have to wait long. this is complete and utter shit. most often you wait the longest when it looks like there's no one in the waiting room. this is usually because the rooms behind the waiting room are full, with more waiting patients. to defuse any possible scenario requiring more time, i uttered four magical words to the nurse at the front desk: allergy attack, hives, difficulty breathing and {insert medical condition i will not reveal to you yet]. she didn't even make me sign in. a different nurse ushered me past the nervous, waiting students. one gave me a death glare because she too was suffering an allergy attack. but i played my trump card. my permanent medical malaise won any hand she might carry, other than highly infectious disease. my issue was more pressing. the immediacy of death rested more upon my shoulders than hers, so i got to go in first. of course, being a professional patient, i knew how to play my trump card well. i understood it, she didn't.

my trump card is besides the point. i only put it into play when i know it's a high risk situation. i scratched my hives. gosh, my throat was itchy.

i downed the benedryl the nurse handed me. now up to 60 ml. not feeling any difference. shit. beyond benedryl the next step seemed inevitable. epinephrine. aka the epipen.

iv tube inserted in the arm per usual. bags of fluids. epipen jabbed into left arm. Valium to counter the heart-pumping side effects of the adrenaline. medicine to fix the problem and more medicine to fix the medicine, per usual. more steriods. fun.

but the end result was fantastic, i could breath, finally. the positive result of an adrenaline rush out beat the negative, primarily being a case of the adrenaline jitters. the adrenaline jitters are one of the worst maladies i've ever experienced. sure, it doesn't seem bad, a shot of adrenaline- waa-laa you are fixed. but sick and healthy, one and all, the adrenaline shot is like a ride to hell and back. fasten your seat belt. you shake as if you were sitting on a seismic plate. this is where the valium to the arm comes into play. the nurse shot it straight into my vein and god did it feel good after the straight rush of adrenaline. i felt like a junky.

i sat back, took a deep breath of relief and complete, utter satisfaction overcame me. ahhh.

i heard someone vomit the room over.

oh but the sweet relief.

my ride came, picked me up. i hobbled back to the car, the largest smile across my face. and walking back into my apartment i stared up at the sky in an infant's amazement, i viewed the stars for the very first time. amazing, absolutely amazing. maybe even breath taking.

on the way home i hadn't even noticed the throngs of drunkards lining the street, or the cold new england air chilling my bones to the core. instead, i just focused on my smile and the fact i had made it. what an accomplishment. it feels fucking great to be alive. don't all you suffering sickos ever forget it, as bad as it gets, life is always better. it's better then better, it's fucking awesome.

well i should sign out now. i'm going to post this post and probably regret it tomorrow because it's the ramblings of a adrenaline drunk girl who just had the air knocked out of her. in other words, it lacks substance.

so goodnight for now and rest easy all you restless ones.

so i piss people off

2008-10-04T17:40:00.004-04:00

i just wanted to note, i piss people off. i don't say the appropriate things at the appropriate times. in other words, i am politically incorrect. whoops. i say selfish things, like it doesn't effect me so why should i care? or i say the word retard. here is a finer point i'd like to argue, what's wrong with the word retard? personally, i think mentally handicapped sounds much worse than retard. i wouldn't want someone calling my cousin mentally handicapped. she's mentally different. functionally creative. but what sense would it make going around telling people she's functionally creative? it's like calling a janitor a custodial engineer. aka, a CE cleans up poop for a living.

well hey sickos, i am a big fan of 'calling it by its real name.' not saying that my cousin is defunct, and thus, retarded. not in the least. my cousin is actually quite capable in certain areas where i am not. for example, my cousin is "blind" and "mute", but she roller skates better than i can. and i put "blind" in quotes because she does not literally see nothing, but she does not see as most of us see, thus she is labeled blind. well how does a blind woman skate? she is fully capable of seeing shadows, so she navigates via comparing the shadows surrounding her... now if that isn't intelligence, i don't know what is... i don't think i could do that- i can "fully see" and i still trip over things all the time, but maybe that's more a fault of hand-eye coordination.. but then again, such skill takes a "higher" form of intelligence which apparently my "mentally handicapped" cousin excels at, which i don't. also, she knows sign language. although, Victorian terminology would label her 'deaf, blind and dumb"... she understands one language i don't, sign language. i don't know how to signal anyone with my hands that i am hungry or that i'm about to pee my pants. the only hand signal i know is my middle finger, which generally indicates a big old, 'fuck you'. that's the only hand signal i know. oh wait, i know the peace sign. but i still prefer the bird over the peace sign- sorry.

anyways, i think the word retard came to mind because i heard a lot of people had 'a to-do' over ben stiller's new movie, i forget the name even though i saw it. in one part of the movie there is a whole scene relating to "not going full retard when acting the part of a retard". for example, Forrest Gump wasn't full retard because he played ping pong and mowed lawns. see, my father and i thought this was hilarious. apparently, it was completely inappropriate to laugh at the idea of retard. but here's the thing, i don't think we're laughing at the word retards or even the people categorized as retarded. i think we're laughing at the idea that people think they can make fun of a group of people or exploit their situation by portraying them on the big screen, as long as they don't call it by its name. Forrest Gump was a little retarded, but we shouldn't say that, because as long as we don't name it, we can exploit it or use it. it's politically correct as long as we don't label 'it' something like retard, crippled, etc.

well i think that's retarded. i think by sweeping our prejudices under the carpet we're missing the larger picture. we are all biased. we are all prejudiced. not to say that's an acceptable fact... but i don't think we should take away from it by obsessively trying to be politically correct.

so for all you people out there who hate the word retarded, let me give you the only hand signal i know. sure, it's easy for me to say because supposedly i'm not retarded, but then again, i am not so sure about that.. maybe i am the retard. after all, i am a cripple... so doesn't that make me retarded too?

so like i said, i piss people off... i say what i shouldn't. i could think of a list of objections to this blog. i could think of a hundred reasons why my reasoning is not sound. but in the end, it is what it is and i'm not afraid to be full retard.

All Apologies

2008-10-04T16:24:00.005-04:00

Hey you freaks,

all apologies for not writing for a few days. i actually wrote a couple blogs that i immediately saved in my draft file. mostly, they were all ridiculous, raging rants about our dear friend Tina Fey, i mean Sarah Palin - my mistake.

okay let us get down to business: the VP debate. let me put it plainly, it was largely disappointing in that Sarah Palin failed to completely fail. my whole week's delight rested upon her utter inability to articulate any point with any intelligence. Yes, although her debate was a gross example of what our educational system fails to produce, primarily intellect.. at the same instance she passed the bar of expectation for herself, thus not entirely failing.

i was really hoping we'd have repeat performances on the 'bush doctrine'. my brother and i, highly anticipated the comedy and humor resulting from Thursday night's debate. at one point, in anger, i almost turned off the television. what the fuck? yes, she by far is not the brightest crayon in the box, but she definitely upped her standards. damn.

and yes, i am a sick person because i gain heaps of glee from the failures of others, whatever i am human and so are you. so stop all acting morally superior. you're not.

so officially, on one month from this day, we will elect our new president. this also coincides with my decision to leave or stay in the country. i told a friend this, and she responded, "yeah, but that's what we all said four years ago and look, no one left." damn, she's right. after bush was elected the second time, despite the threats, no one left- there was no mass exodus. shit. what's wrong with us? we said we'd never elect him again, and look, we did. we said if we did, we'd leave... and we didn't. and now we say, 'never again.' but what if 'it' is again. we claim we'll really leave this time, but will we really? or are we just throwing threats because it feels good? does it distance ourselves from the barbarous facts for which we cannot justify? does it distance ourselves from the deaths of millions for which we are intrinsically tied? should we not stay? just take the blame for that which we probably deserve? when are we, as a People, going to face the fact that we are not as proactive as we'd like to believe. perhaps, in fact, we fail to be the global citizens for which we so indeed inspire? what if we are really all failures? after all, we did elect bush not once, but twice.

once, i came across a ridiculous website where people took pictures of themselves with some sort of cheesy sign, reading to the affect, "world we are so sorry we are so dumb that we elected him again." i think this website went up right after the 2004 election results. i thought the page was a prime example of how far removed the american public is from the rest of the world. a measly web page showing our 'sorrows' does not make up for our utter failure to dismantle the evils of the bush administration. such apologies does nothing for the families in Iraq of whom have suffered at the hands of our injustices. what such web page shows, is the typical, american token effort to bandage a wound that we've torn apart. it shows no genuine effort to mend what we've created, to face the consequences of our efforts. it merely shows how shallow us americans really are.

like i said, i am not sure if the web page even still exists today- although i'm sure it does. but i really hope people can come up with some better efforts than this... it is really pitiful and you all disgust me. (even though i did post a picture at the time) i guess this is example of american hypocriticalism. whatever, i admit it, i am faulted and i change my mind- often. at least i'm honest about it- unlike some people, cough, cough.

anyway, i have to check out to do some homework. i hope you all have a great weekend. full of american sickness.

don't forget to vote on the 4th, after all, it is your patriotic duty, even if it doesn't do shit in the long run, at least we have to pretend.

PS- i found the website: http://www.sorryeverybody.com/

The VP conundrum

2008-10-02T11:10:00.004-04:00

Mornin' all you Sickos-

Tonight we face a VP conundrum: if Biden goes easy on Palin, he automatically registrars as a sexist in the eyes of the Pundits. some say he should debate Palin as if she's a guy. but ladies and gentlemen, she is not a man. therefore, if he goes hard on her, i swear they'll say tomorrow, "he should have gone easier on her... he took advantage of her... he's an ass... it wasn't fair." if he is an attack dog, by tomorrow morning, 'they' will have forgotten their cries for him to bite and their new sound bite will call for his head on the block. it will be 'poor palin.' people might even forget her horrible interviews leading up to tonight. most likely, they'll have a sense of sympathy and feelings of injustice of what it is to be a woman in this country. for after all, as a woman trying to poke your nose into the 'big boy politics' you're obviously a sicko. well all you readers out there, i'm telling you this now: it's a trick, a rhetorical catch-22. a no-win situation. if Biden does Biden, he'll be viewed as too rough for the fragility of 'poor' Palin, who after all, has endured weeks of SNL. but if he takes it easy, steps it down a notch, he'll be viewed as a sexist, someone unwilling to hurt the porcelain sensitivities of fairer, feminine gender. well screw it, i think we need to ring Palin, tell her to step it up, be unfair. throw some punches. be a "man". tell her, if you play the 'woman card' to Biden, you're being unfair. be tough on him, come on... or should we tell her to be gentle on him? because after all, how do we know his male sensitivities won't be shot down by a little womanly flare?

if we really want to transcend gender than lets stop the talk about 'being fair', 'being tough', 'going easy'... because such rhetoric doesn't move beyond what it is to be a man or a woman... it perpetuates it. therefore, lets let the debate be what it may be. after all, politics isn't fair- it is biased. it is prejudiced. it is racialized and classist. sure, this isn't good or fair or even egalitarian. but it is what it is, and the more we pretend it is something else or believe that 'calling' it by a different name will change things, it won't. lets call it what it is and maybe then we can move on. it's a sexist, ageist, racially charged election, where if you represent anything beyond the status quo, the media and general public is going to have a field day over the topic of difference. and what is difference? what is the status quo? and are these terms stable, consistent and same over time? how do they change? and are we asking the right questions to make the right decisions? and what is right and wrong? and can we, as A People, really have a cohesive definition of: right, wrong, fair, unfair? are we really A People, or Many Peoples?

where did we get our definitions from? and why are we letting the media perpetuate claims on what it is to be defined by a certain 'box' or 'label'? do all women really experience the same womanliness?

in the end, i have not decided whether i should watch the debate tonight. surely, tomorrow everyone will be buzz-wording the VP debate with sounds clip and snickers. i fear the only interest i have in watching the debate is to find comedy in the failings of a certain candidate. but what are her failings and why do i get such glee watching her burn in the flames of fire? is it really fair? and do i really give a shit? no, rather... i pretty much want to see my candidate elected this november... so anything that furthers his cause gives me glee... even if it is unfair and sexist, biased, prejudiced and most importantly, political- because after all, politics encompasses more than the just... it is also the unjust. so if indeed i decide to watch 'the debate' tonight, i won't put on my neutrality goggles, or even pretend... i will watch and judge the debate through my Sicko, biased, prejudiced, opinionated, lenses. after all, all you sickos are doing the same, you're just denying yourself the plain fact that you are all biased, you are all Diseased. after all, you all live in this society with me... so you suffer the same malaise, the same tunnel vision, the trappings of the same squares we are all forced to stuff ourselves into... every time we check off a box and categorize ourselves by an arbitrary, rigid set of ridiculous standards.. we are all judging, all categorizing ourselves against the 'other' and thus, we all suffer from the same sickness.

The Bucket List, Invisible Identity and Privilege

2008-10-01T23:20:00.005-04:00

The Woman at the Washington Zoo:

In two months I will mark the year 3 B.T.- my third year of Borrowed Time. (Or, as I think of it on my best days, Bonus Time.) When I was diagnosed with Stage IV(b) liver cancer in early July of 2001, every doctor was at great pains to make clear to me that this was a death sentence. Unless you find liver cancer early enough to have a surgeon cut out the primary tumor before it spreads, you have little chance of parole. The five-year survival rate for those who can't have surgery is less than one percent; my cnacer had spread so widely that I was facing a prognosis of somewhere between three and six months. I was forty-three; my children were five and eight...

I try to remember that I'm one of the luckiest cancer patients in America, by dint of good medical insurance, great contacts who gained me access to the best of the best among doctors, an amazing support system of friends and family, and the brains and drive to be a smart and demanding medical consumer, which is one of the very hardest things I've ever done. I'm quite sure that if I were among the 43 million of my fellow American who had no health insurance- let alone really good insurance- I'd be dead already. As it is, I never see a hospital bill that hasn't already been paid. And there is no co-payment on the many medications I inject myself every day for a week after chemo to boost my bone marrow's production of white cells- costs about $20,000 a year. (Williams, 320&329)

How does someone survive cancer who is not a journalist for the Post or Vogue? not very easily, as even Williams points out. Therefore, where will my dad's friend, who was just given 2 months, fall? Does he have the money or the support system to beat out his time prognosis? Yes, inevitably he will die, we all will. But my question remains, how does society decide how long someone will linger after a diagnosis of death?

and more so, what does one do with such a fate? what do you do with two months? that question is also answered by class. maybe if you're rich you'll bounce off to Italy for that vacation you always meant to take. or maybe you'll travel down to Mexico to go on one of those alternative therapy retreats. i don't know. but if you're poor, do you try to work during those months, that is if you physically can? do you spend time with family? how do you prepare? and is it fare that most often than not, only the rich and upper crust afford to create a 'bucket list'?

The House of Cards, The Matrix and a Light Bulb

2008-09-30T19:42:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, the House of Cards shot down the bill passed by the House of Stars. Thank you, at least for now. The King of the Hill demonized the Jokers for their poor deal. Well, I say boo-hoo Mister Bush. For once, your foot soldiers failed to bark on command. But Oh People of this Great Land, forget not, the Henchmen still wait. In fact the same House denying the Bill will overturn its hand of cards. Just watch. Hopefully I am wrong.

Today someone exclaimed to me, "I can't believe I've sided with the Elephants for the first time in my life!" I reminded her the Elephants sided not with her but the 'invisible hand' they dictate their life by... See the Elephants are Friedman-Freaks. The Neo-Liberalists marched into Washington long ago but now they have a reversed-structural agreement for Us. Beware People, the Miltons are on the March.

I am going to put the economy aside for a moment, because no one else can seem to 'check' their hand to look at the larger picture. So briefly, I am going to get a little personal.

A very dear friend of mine entered the Matrix today. Her body swallowed the wrong pill, I call it cancer. It's not her fault, surely, but now she's sucked in. The Matrix my friends, believe it or not, is not just a cheesy movie, in which almost any human subject matter is analogous to... no, the Matrix is the Network, The System, I call it the American Medical Complex. I like the word complex, it makes me want to invent the word complexicated, almost like a complex-complicated hybrid- because that is exactly what the health care system in this country is- complexicated.

I fine-lined the details to her. Biologically, yes, she has cancer. Systemically, according to insurance mongols, she has no preexisting condition. See, insurance lingo dictates that someone who has always been insured, virtually has no medical condition, even if that said person has cancer, the bird flu, SARS, asthma, etc. Technically, the company cannot individually increase your rates until you're proven to have a preexisting condition, unless of course the rate of increase relates to a systemic cost increase. Let us use Neo from the movie Matrix as an example of my point, because clearly i have not caffeinated myself to the point of excellent articulation.

Okay, lets say the blue pill represents disease and the red health. Then let us pretend that an insured Neo takes the blue pill and is now 'diseased'. According to health insurance companies, as long as he never goes a minute without insurance, he is in fact, not diseased according to institutional standards. Now, if Neo had been uninsured while swallowing the 'disease pill', he would in fact be diseased both institutionally and biologically. Therefore, the Matrix would toss out uninsured Neo by hiking his insurance premiums sky-high. in fact, the Matrix can even alter the percentage of coverage by class of prescription and care. For example, if uninsured Neo needed a purple pill the insurance company might decide to only cover 10% of the cost versus the 20-40% it may have covered if either a) Neo had been insured upon becoming diseased and therefore, not becoming institutionally diseased or b) if Neo hadn't become diseased in the first place. Confusing? That's why the American health care system is a complexication.

So here's a Light Bulb of an idea: why don't we rid ourselves of the things that don't work, like complexications. The most complexicated aspect of both our medical, economic and legal systems is that the necessary information is barred from The People. Most people find out too late that the Matrix labels them as a liability to because they went one day without insurance. So even if they've been battling diabetes for 10 years, according to the complexication, they only start having diabetes the minute they go uninsured. The legal and economic complexications of this country are riddled with the same misinformation and lack of information. Why? Because it benefits the Matrix for The People to remain encapsulated in their bubbles, barred from information and reality. The Machine profits from the People's lack of knowledge, awareness and know-how. This is after all, the Matrix.

So unfortunately, today I welcome another member to the minor-majority of Sickos. Welcome, you now have a name for your disease. But do not despair, like I always say, We are All Diseased, just some of us have not found a name for it yet.

PEPFAR PAPER

2008-09-30T19:35:00.006-04:00

(I wrote this in 2005, so it's a little outdated but still informative)

African AIDS epidemic and Traditional Healers

The ADIS epidemic in Africa has caused a state of crises. New methods for combating the AIDS crises in Africa need to be researched extensively and efficiently. Additionally, researchers need to look at more creative alternatives for fighting the AIDS epidemic in Africa. The problem is: the use of western biomedical techniques alone to reverse the progression of the AIDS epidemic in Africa has not and will not be sufficient or effective enough to create the unquestionable impact that is severely required. Primarily, western biomedical treatment neglects to include the socio-cultural factors surrounding the individual patients within the contexts of their specific ethno-cultural environment which they live. Whereas, therapeutic techniques that would collaborate the traditional African healing practices with those of the modern biomedical techniques would be significantly more: efficient, sustainable, effective, and relative.

Today, there are approximately 2.5 million African people who are HIV positive. Of those 2.5 million people, only 8% have access to antiretroviral medications that are vital to the care of HIV/AIDS patients. However, 95% of people accessing ARVs are paying for the medication out of pocket. Africa alone, accounts for 70% of HIV/AIDS populations worldwide. Additionally, 80% of Africa’s populations use traditional healing versus more modern practices. In a continent with one of six adults infected with AIDS, the fewest medical resources in the world, and only 600,000 doctors for 682 million people; AIDS has become an epidemic that has killed millions and has breeched the socio-economic structures of Africa’s countries.

By the end of the year 2005, researchers have estimated that an additional one billion US dollars will be necessary to provide ARV therapy amongst the 2.5 million people infected with HIV in Africa. Additionally, it has been stated that even with such funding for life-saving medications, Sub-Saharan Africa will need approximately 2.5 million more health care workers in order to provide basic health care services. An increase in health workers to that extent would be somewhere around triple to quadruple the current work force in Sub-Saharan Africa. Conclusively, the current program formulated by the United States would expend a total of 15 billion dollars over a 5 year time period.

In January of 2003, President George W. Bush, presented the President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR), to the world during his state of the union address. PEPFAR is the very same program that will budget 15 billion US dollars over 5 years towards the emergent AIDS epidemic. Consequently, PEPFAR and the United States funds 1/3 of the total World Fund. Additionally, the Clinton Presidential Foundation has achieved applaud able success in relations with low-income countries and multinational pharmaceutical companies to decrease the cost of ARVs to as low as $140 per patient per year. Continually, the Clinton Foundation has been the direct cause of some companies permitting generic versions of certain drugs to be produced. Although the decrease in some antiretroviral drugs has been beneficiary, for the 290 million Africans living off less than a dollar per day, this decrease has had little impact on their health care. Additionally, one year after the commencement of Bush’s PEPFAR program, less than 1% of Africa’s 2.5 million people had been reached.

Consequently, three solutions have been researched in-depth and have been given extensive consideration in relation to Africa’s AIDS epidemic. The three options at hand are: (1) to stop all action, (2) continue on the current course of actions, or (3) involve alternative methods of health coverage in collaboration with the current set of program initiatives.

First, the consideration of stopping all program initiatives has been presented as one course of action. In other words, this selected course of action would be: action in no action. Emphasizing what has been previously stated: less than 1% of Africa’s 2.5 million HIV positive patients were reached after the initiating year of Bush’s PEPFAR plan. In light of such negative results during the first year of the program, questions of sustaining such an expensive budget towards a failing program should arise. Plus, the current population of HIV positive people living in Africa can be expected to accumulate at the increasing rate of 3.1 million people per year if programs can not create detrimental change. Similarly, the United States could use the currently committed budget of $15 billion over five years through PEPFAR and implant a similar budget toward national spending needs, such as our current deficit. Also, ethno-cultural practices of the multitudes of different tribes have to be considered when considering a multibillion dollar project to combat a disease with western based therapeutics and pharmaceutics; which can not be conclusively relevant in terms of ethno-cultural factors: 80% of African people use traditional healing methods as their primary source of health care. Thus, exploration must occur in terms of why 80% of a given continent’s population resorts to traditional medicine over more modern techniques. If the regimen for combating a diseased induced epidemic is not relevant to the specific culture in which battles must occur, entirely positive results and/or massive improvements upon health can not be expected. Likewise, a population can not be treated, unless treated within the contexts of their cultural confines. Therefore, vetoing all current guidelines as far as the United State’s $15 billion budget is concerned, could very well provide a feasible option.

An alternative to action in no action would be to continue programs based on the foundation of the US’s PEPFAR program and the consequential budget of $15 billion dollars over 5 years. If this alternative is selected, the United States can be expected to continue to provide 1/3 of the entire funding attributed to the Global Fund. Additionally, none of PEPFAR’s current funds are being channeled to implement programs to collaborate traditional healers with people in the modern biomedical workforce; despite the fact that traditional African healers outnumber modern health care workers 100 to one. Emphasizing once again, Sub-Saharan Africa would need access to 2.5 million more health workers if the goals of PEPFAR and/or ARV therapy were to make a change. Relating to such programs as PEPFAR is the common knowledge that in order for such programs to function, there must be active member on both sides. “In South Africa, an estimated 17% of primary health-care workers are infected with HIV, according to a study by the Human Science Research Council of South Africa.” (Accelerating 16) How can PEPFAR succeed if 2.5 million more health-care workers are needed for basic health service alone and 17% of the current work force is HIV positive?

"A 2001 study on the impact of HIV/AIDS on the three central agencies of the government of the Kingdom of Swaziland (the Ministries of Finance, Economic Planning and Development) predicted a loss of 32% of staff to the epidemic by 2021. As a result, an additional 1.6% of staff will need to be replaced each year to maintain existing staff levels" (Accelerating 19).

The sustainability of a foreign project within a country that has a government that can not sustain itself shall prove to be unsustainable and not effective. President Bush may possess good intention for pushing US dollars at the problem, but money does not cure disease; especially if there is not anyone living on the receiving end to exchange the foreign currency. Therefore, proceeding on the basis of PEPFAR’s current plan of action could and/or will alleviate any feeling of guilt if no action were to be present; questioning the relevance of PEPFAR in the scheme of such an epidemic could be far more effective than the billions of US dollars being pushed upon the problem.

The final alternative would be to create programs that collaborate the socio-cultural relevance of traditional African healers with the economic stronghold linked with the modern biomedical field. The multitude of AIDS research has proven time and again: the epidemiology of a disease is as socio-culturally diverse as the population it infects.

"As with most traditional healing systems worldwide, healing among the Zulu and most all African ethnic groups cannot be separated from the spiritual concerns of the individual and the cosmological beliefs of the community at large. Traditional healers help to restore a sense of balance between the individual and the community, on one hand, and between the individual and the cosmos, or ancestors, on the other hand they provide health care that is personalized, culturally appropriate, holistic, and tailored to meet the needs and expectations of the patient….Because HIV and AIDS are a dynamic part of lived experiences, learning about how people conceptualize and shape their ideas and practices, collective life, and institutions is important. And when these concepts become part of a foundation for HIV/AIDS programs, the services are better able to respond to people’s needs since the programs make better sense within the contexts of people’s lived realities….Moreover while new pharmaceutical therapies are providing hope for many enfranchised people in the West, infection rates climb and many more people remain unable to access these treatments" (Anthropology 17, 211).

Likewise, PEPFAR’s initiative is to reach many more millions of HIV/AIDS people in need, yet it can not expect to reach its goals in mass quantities if the people are unwilling to be reached. PEPFAR assumes that if money and medicine are provided, people will come automatically; this assumption is incorrect. Data has shown the initial results of the PEPFAR plan to be inadequate; PEPFAR barely penetrated the AIDS infested population living in Africa. Yet, the program alone can not be the only aspect to blame in its failure. The ignorance of expectation for a western agenda to reverse an epidemic half way around the world is to blame for any and all failure of the program itself. The United States is a very materialistic society, in which, most often; if the necessary materials are provided to the needy population, positive results will most likely occur. Thus, it can not be assumed that the mere provisions of money and biomedical medicine by the industrialized West will be enough, let alone suffcient, to impact the AIDS epidemic that is destroying Africa. The people of Africa must be able to tackle this epidemic from perspectives that are relative to their own relativities, instead of combating a disease with strategies that are as foreign as the disease itself.

"Treatment by Zulu healers for HIV/AIDS often takes the form of infusions of bitter herbs to “cleanse” the body, strengthen the blood, and remove misfortune and “pollution.” Some treatments provide effective relief from common ailments associated with AIDS, such as itchy skin rashes, oral thrush, persistent diarrhea, and general debility. Indigenous plants such as Unwele (Sutherlandia frute Scens) and African potato (Hypoxis hemeracalidea) are well-known traditional medicines that have proven immune-boosting properties. Both have recently become available in modern pharmacies packaged in tablet form. With modern antiretroviral treatment still well beyond the reach of most South Africans, indigenous medicines that can delay or alleviate some of the suffering caused by AIDS are proving to be valuable and popular treatments"(Anthropology 16).

More so, a disease can be the quickest carrier of globalization and dictator of genocide to indigenous cultures, more than any great power ever could. Enforcing western medicines that most often are not an option for Africans, is just one more element that works to extinguish ancient African cultures and traditions. Although western biomedical treatments have proven to be effective in most industrialized societies, they have yet to prove themselves amongst indigenous cultures.

"Dr. Elmar Ulrich, who was working in nearby Pangani Hospital at the time. He observed that patients delayed reporting to the hospitals for treatment and was curious about the reasons behind the delays. He discovered that patients first visited traditional healers, which prompted him to approach the healers….Dr. Mberesero view traditional medicine as valuable because it differs from biomedicine, unlike some people who would like to convert healers into community health workers. She says, ‘We should keep traditional medicine as traditional medicine and not try to make it more like western medicine" (Ancient 20).

Agreeing with Dr. Mberesero, the third alternative of collaborating traditional and modern techniques would have to emphasize that the program is not designed to assimilate tradition to modernization. Not only would the programs aim to teach traditional healers about modern health care, it would enforce workers in the biomedical field to embrace the positive aspects of working with more traditional means of health provision. Statistically, most but not all, personnel within the biomedical realm frown upon more indigenous methods of healing.

"For centuries Westerners generally viewed traditional healing as a whole lot of primitive mumbo jumbo practiced by witch doctors with demonic powers who perpetuated superstition" (Anthropology 16).

Any and all western staff who might hold such ideologies must either learn to embrace the customs within the communities they are working alongside, or find a different and perhaps more suitable program to be involved in.

Many African cultures have misconceptions about AIDS: how it is spread, who gets it, and how it must be treated or cured. One current known myth is: AIDS can only be cured by having intercourse with a virgin. Many African people believe that using condoms actually cause infection.

"We discuss condom use, disposal and some of the misconceptions….The biggest concern of my clients is the durability of the condoms and the misconceptions such as the rumor that the virus is inside the condoms" (Ancient 41).

In the year 2001, a report showed that in Sub-Saharan Africa, on average, each man only had approximately 4.6 condoms per year. Also, the report estimated it would cost 47.5 million US dollars per year to fill the 1.9 billion condom gap. The report’s estimate on the costs for filling such a gap did not include costs for: delivery and production. Although these figures seem enormous, they are relatively small in relation to the macroeconomic damage occurring from the AIDS epidemic. All and all, once more; this solution suggest: dividing PEPFAR’s current budget of 15 billion US dollars over five years into four specific areas/programs. These four groups would be: (1) Training of the traditional healer in direct relation with workers in the current biomedical field; whilst training westernized health-workers in traditional healing practices, (2) funding directly provided for the creation of facilities to be used by both traditional and biomedical personnel, specifically offering a place to store temperature sensitive medications, (3) the provision of free/low-cost condom supplies to traditional healers within the community to increase access, knowledge and use, and finally (4) continues to fund vital antiretroviral therapy to those in need. Additionally, the program would emphasize the suggestion of revising the policies enforced by the TRIP agreement.

TRIP is the agreement made on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS), which started in 1995. The agreement brings,"….intellectual property rights under one common set of international rules and establishes the minimum levels of protection that all governments within the World Trade Organization must give to intellectual property of fellow members"(TRIPS, 1). All 147 members of the World Trade Organization (WTO) are obligated to comply to the regulations established by the TRIPS agreement in relation to intellectual property. Under TRIPS requirements, countries must grant patent protection to pharmaceutical products for at least a 20 year time period. Although, TRIPS has stated, in regards to vital health emergencies, members should recognize the needs of protecting public health before protections provided by patents and the wealth acquired in relation to those patents. Two actions can occur to bypass the patent laws created by TRIPS: a compulsory license and a voluntary license. A compulsory license is issued by the government, without requiring permission of the patent holder; that allows products under a specific patent to be copied by other organizations. On a side note, compulsory licenses are very hard to obtain. Secondly, a voluntary license is issued by the patent holder to a specific group, allowing them to copy a specific product; usually on specific terms and agreements afforded by the holder. Once again, the point being, TRIPS regulations increase the costs of drugs and the accessibility of those drugs to poorer countries. Even when licenses are issued to help reduce costs, the costs still tend to make products unobtainable for certain countries or create such small supplies in relation to such high demands that countries find themselves with higher dept and in the same position, if not worse, as before. TRIPS creates a revolving door for poorer nations who are in desperate need of expensive biomedical therapies that only wealthy countries can obtain in quantities that will create an impact upon the problem.

In regards to the AIDS epidemic in Africa, the strong recommendation of this report is that the United States adopts the alternative option, “C”, in replacement of the current course of action. The cost/benefit analysis proves that this plan of actions would be more: effective, ethically sound, efficient, sustainable, relevant, and economically ideal. Thus Congress should: (1) divide the current budget into four specific programs of spending, and (2) pressure the other WTO members to adopt new policies under the TRIPS agreement, while making sure those regulations are being enforced. Again, the four divisions of the current budget would go towards: (A) the training of traditional healers in collaboration with each other, (B) funding towards community facilities that would be utilized by all collaborating parties, (C) distributing condoms amongst the traditional healers to increase knowledge and protection, and (D) continued funding of ARV therapy to those in need. Finally, the program would emphasize the critical importance of reorganizing the regulations set up by the TRIPS agreement.

Furthermore, this report will utilize the information gathered by the ‘Traditional and Modern Health Practitioners Together against AIDS,’ (THETA) in Uganda, as an example of how positive results could be extracted from future programs. "Uganda, which once had the highest HIV prevalence rate in the world, is now mentioned by UNAIDS as the only country in Africa to turn a major epidemic around (Ancient 30)" In the year 1999, Uganda had a population of 21.1 million people and a HIV/AIDS prevalence rate at 8.3%. Additionally, the infant mortality rate was 103 infant deaths per 1,000 live births! Uganda’s THETA initiative program started in 1992 with tow pilot programs. The initial training program for the traditional healers in 1993 had the broad objective of educating the healers about AIDS and STDs so that they in return could spread their knowledge throughout their own local communities.

Following a training cycle of two years, THETA holds a formal ceremony for healers, where community leaders are invited and healers have a chance to demonstrate what they have learned in the form of stories, personal testimonies, song, dance, and drama. Subsequently, healers are followed up to support their post-training activities, to ensure sustainability and to document innovative healer initiatives. This process is length, but it has bred strong ties between THETA and the healers who have been part of its program.

By the time the year 2001 arrived, Uganda’s Ministry of Health reported that the HIV/AIDS prevalence rate had lowered to 6.1% and the AIDS commission stated that approximately 60 million condoms are being used annually by the people living in Uganda. “Today, AIDS knowledge in Uganda is almost 100% among adults.” (Ancient 30) More so, THETA’s training targets biomedical health workers in addition to traditional healers. By doing so, THETA has linked the use of modern medicine with traditions of the culture in which it needs to penetrate.

"Before THETA initiated activities in the districts, healers reported that they were doing little or nothing regarding AIDS and that they did not see AIDS patients. Healers were often known for their witchcraft and rarely cooperated with each other the biomedical health services" (Ancient 37).

Yet, 80% of people living in Africa prefer traditional healers over western biomedical methods. Thus, THETA had the right ideologies, because they knew that in order to win an upward battle, that they would need force from within the culture they were seeking to help. Ultimately, compared to PEPFAR’s first annual report showing that the program had only reached 1% of the people in need in Africa, by 1998, approximately 52.25% of the area targeted by THETA had benefited from the program. Plus, PEPFAR will cost the United States 15 billion dollars over 5 years and during that same time period, THETA’s training program cost would only amount to $643,610. The World Health Organization (WHO), recommendations for antiretroviral therapy to all of Sub-Saharan Africa, the least expensive combination was estimated to cost $675 per patient per year, with the least expensive generic at: $300 per patient per year. Not to mention, most antiretroviral medicines are temperature sensitive and require refrigeration; which is another lacking commodity in the African communities.

Ultimately, AIDS is a socio-cultural crisis as much as it is a bio-economic disaster. In order to achieve homeostasis within the African continent, programs must be adapted that are as relative to the culture as the biology of the disease it’s combating. The Western biomedical techniques will not be able to defeat Africa’s ADIS epidemic alone. Just as the only person who can change a person is that person, the reversal of a disease induced epidemic can only come from within the community that has been epidemically destructed by that very same disease.

Bibliography

1. UNAIDS: “Collaboration with traditional healers in HIV/AIDS prevention and care in sub-Saharan Africa, a literature review.” (September 2000) Geneva, Switzerland
2. UNAIDS: “Ancient Remedies, New Disease: Involving traditional healers in increasing access to AIDS care and prevention in East Africa.” (June 2002)
3. UNAIDS: “Accelerating Action against AIDS in Africa.”03.44E (English original, September 2003)
4. Havialnd, William A., Prins, Harald E.L., Walrath, Dana, and McBride, Bunny. Cultural Anthropology: The Human Challenge. Canada: Wadsworth, 2005

live from Washington: Bail Out Weekend

2008-09-28T12:54:00.003-04:00

good weekend for the Sickos and the Blind.

this weekend, our senators passed into legislation a bill handing over 700 billion US dollars to the FED to bail out wall street. if you thought we had problems financing health care, the arts, social security, etc before this weekend, just wait for the upcoming decade. but do us sickos really care? no. the majority of us have accepted our fate as the sickos of America. our government no longer believes in our ability to protest, to think creatively about our alternatives or even to conceptualize the fact we have alternatives. instead, they proved themselves right. feed the masses fear- the rhetoric of fear and they will passively agree to our dictates. the economy is said to be a scientific thing, like disease. given the right medicine, it can be cured. but any good sicko knows, sometimes the ability to cure disease transcends a pill or a treatment of the biological fixes which deem us as diseased. no, instead, sometimes disease is more complicated, a tricky fix. something not always mediated by "hard" science. there are those quote on quote medical miracles. the ones that were suppose to have died long ago. but miraculously, they are still here, alive. even well. what does this have to do with the current state of our economy?

we are all diseased, as one famous man said. so too is our economy. yet, we are feeding our economy with the same sicko logic which got us into this mess. money cures all. got a problem? throw money at it. but look what that has done for the AIDS epidemic in places like Africa. For example, Bush's brilliant PEPFAR program, gave 15 billion over 5 years to certain African nations, and taa-daa, problem fixed. but the ironic thing is, the plan failed enormously. years after the deadline of PEPFAR, almost none of the original workings of the plan have worked. (i will attach a paper I wrote on the subject as a separate post). For example, the plan never considered elementary problems such a refrigerators. Many of the place most requiring HIV/AIDS medication did not even have fridges on hand. And many of these medications must be kept at a certain temperature. So, by the time much of the medication reached certain villages, most of it was unusable. If money fails to consider society, culture... money fails. So what is my point? money doesn't solve all problems, some things are deeper- like corruption. yet, we gobble up the rhetoric saying that if we hand over OUR money to those that created this foul problem, they will fix us. after all, it is us, the American People who are Sick. we don't trust the market. we won't invest. we won't respond. thus, the market needs to be injected so as that we will trust its eventual health.

this is a farce. perhaps things will get better for a moment, a short term fix, like heroine to the arm. like insulin to the diabetic. like anti-retro viral medication to the HIV patient. but in the end, the diabetic will always have diabetes, eventually yielding to disease. the HIV patient, inevitably develops AIDS. we are not handed cures because they are not profitable to big business. if a cure for diabetes presented itself (which it has) it would immediately be shot down because lets face it, the insurance and drug companies make millions off of the sick being sick. cures don't pay off in long-term dividends. the same goes for our economy. they are making money off the market being sick- the government, wall street. they are cashing out like the pharmaceutical giants cash-in off my biological demise.

but us, the American People are truly sick. we have failed in the most fundamental manner. yesterday, I marched up to Capitol Hill. Anger and Frustration captivated my senses. Outside the Hill, as hundreds of thousands distracted themselves with the National Book Festival, a group 0f 15-20 stood a good 50 feet from the fence that blocks people from the lawns of the Hill. "Why aren't you closer?", I asked. "This is as close as we can get". They had a microphone and speakers, but faced them towards the throngs of hundreds of thousands listening to R.L. Stein's fictional sensation Goose Bumps rather than the reality that in one hour, our senators were to pass, perhaps the most important, legislation of the last decade. But the governmental wheel of distraction, well greased, turned, and thus, also the heads of the masses. "Look over here people, while we do this over there". It worked Fantastically. No one paid attention.

Meanwhile, whilst the couple of genuine, patriotic protesters should have turned their speakers to face the Capitol at the Senators who grudgingly, mindlessly made their decision... they blared their pleas to those that have been Deaf since the sterilization of the Vietnam Syndrome, perhaps the most effective vaccination introduced by modern medicine. Distract the people. Do whatever it takes to suppress the masses from popular participation in the processes of government. Remove the people from action. Sedate them.

A women, with graying curls, took over the microphone, misleadingly believing she possessed voice. she drew a crude analogy between the crisis of economy and pottery barn. she stated, "like a vase from pottery barn, you break it, you pay for it". Is that not precisely what they are doing? but my question remains, why fix something proven not to work? if a machine has no function, why not just discard it for something palpable. she did not get it.

the brightest ray of shining hope belonged to a girl, perhaps between the ages of 8-10. She stood taller than the throngs of people and the overpowering monuments of famous men such as Lincoln. There she stood, holding high a sign she did not write. Perhaps, she did not even know why she found herself in the moment of history that never was a moment. But that is not the point. The point is, she received a lesson in resistance unavailable to most. I knew she'd remember this day for eternity. The day she stood in front of the Capitol and protested something she did not comprehend. Because that is the point: when information has been barred from the masses, the masses possess the right to demand the information, the vital workings of society be returned to those for which it belongs. We the People Own the Right to Knowledge and Power of Decision. And never should a decision be made in face of a perceived lack of understanding or alternative. Instead, in such a moment discussion should open to possibilities and the focus of such Voice always belongs to the People.

Do not forget, you Sickos, your sickness is of Society's making. To undo the done, you must hold your head high and say, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men [and women] are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men [and women], deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security".

Yet, this weekend a Great Injustice has been committed against Us, the Sickos of America. the government representing Us, stole our voice. Instead, telling us what is right, what is wrong, what is health and sickness. It is sick that wall street should fail. we must protect the people from the sickness of wall street. Well, if that is true, if we need protection from Wall Street, than I beg you, representatives of the People, Please, bring those that which plundered the People to the Highest Court in the Land, to be Judged, rightly, by the People. And finally, let The People decide which treatment is Best for them in regards to the the Health of the Nation, which after all, is The People.

The Sicko Election

2008-09-21T14:28:00.002-04:00

I'd like to open up the conversation to the current election and perspective candidates of each respective party. I will attempt to paint a non-partisan view in the eyes of a Sicko. Forgive me if i fail miserably. on that note, i encourage everyone to check out http://www.votesmart.org/

First, I just want to start with the rhetoric of the election, rather than the meat. Or is the rhetoric the meat? good question. you answer it.

McCain: in regards to this election, he is being termed too old to govern. perhaps i have my own reasons why he should not govern, but being old is not one of them. give oldies a chance. but consequently, oldies in our society also go under the lumping of sick or 'high potential' to become sick. and obviously, any degree of sickness disqualifies someone from any degree of competence.

Obama: he's a black man with a Muslim name, automatically this registrars him incompetent for the many prejudiced people out there. and trust me, there are many of them. historically, blackness has equated sickness in this country.

So interestingly, we have two socially-crippled candidates running for office. The root of their sickness is that they are not mid-aged, protestant, white men. They are crippled.

Now, soon enough you will release I do not believe the things i state. i do not believe either candidate is crippled by age or race, etc. or even a Muslim name. yet, i do believe society punishes them for their differences when really, they should be judged for their politic. who cares if one is old and the other is African-American? Apparently, a lot of people. but i don't. what i care about is whether or not they are going to help me receive better access to health care. are they going to get us the f--k out of Iraq? are they going to respect my civil liberties? this is how i choose to vote. i don't vote based off of age, sex, religion, race, etc. but a lot of people do.

i encourage all of you to think long and hard about the following: what is age if the man in question runs our country into a heap of dept due to a stubbornness/unwillingness to leave Iraq? or a man who will follow his party line "till the gates of hell and back".... and all for what? a man who thinks women are so crippled by their gender that they will vote for someone based on the fact she has a vagina and not on the basis her political stance? come on, get real. us sickos aren't that stupid. or are we?

what is the rhetoric of this election and how do we let it inform our decisions? are we really basing our vote upon the meat or the excess layers of fat? are we missing the bigger picture? what really does matter? does it matter that Palin's daughter is knocked up? does it matter that her son has downs? how does that really effect our politics? and are we really willing to believe that a man's age or a woman's pregnant daughter or a man's last name will factor into the ability to lead competently?

i'd like to think we could realize when we cast our ballot it is about more than the man or woman you see on your tv screen. isn't about a party and not a person?

side note: Franklin D. Roosevelt, without much public knowledge at the time, spent the majority of his presidency in a wheel chair. did it affect his ability to lead?

side, side note: JFK was one of our youngest presidents, yet he died during his term not due to age or disease. he was assassinated. therefore, does age really matter? in addition, JFK was also crippled because he had Addison Disease. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Addison%27s_disease

Welcome Sickos, one and all!

2008-09-21T14:17:00.003-04:00

Hello Everyone! And welcome to the world of one Sicko! i guess i should start out with the purpose of this blog: viewing the American political spectrum through the eyes of one sicko.

i bet you're asking, "what's wrong with her? she looks healthy." well the first thing I'd like to note is that looks are deceptive. can you really tell who's a sicko and who's not? no. can you pick out a lunatic from a "sane" person? what is that anyways? do you know what the face of cancer, AIDS or diabetes looks like? do i have one of the above mentioned ailments?

i won't give away my malaise- at least not now. it'd concentrate too much on me rather than the problems at hand. if i say i have cancer, i automatically disassociate with those scarier diseases like TB, HIV/AIDS, SARS and the bird flu. if i say i have diabetes, i immediately distance myself from the immediate prospects of death. there are scales of sickness by which society tends to judge the quote on quote "unhealthy." i refuse to do such. WE ARE ALL SICK in some manner of respect, even the quote on quote healthy- the only difference is that 'they' don't have a name for their sickness yet.

so we'll start it off this way, i am one of the quote on quote cripples. i battle with the insurance companies, i tango with the medical industry. i hope my perspective helps my sicko comrades fight their individual battles and i really hope this blog informs the so-called healthy individuals of this world- the supposed "able-bodied" majority (when in fact they're really a minority- almost like race in this country).

so maybe i'm in a wheel-chair. maybe I'm schizo. perhaps i have a malignant brain tumor impairing my so-called clear judgment. perhaps I'm a pervert, of whom has traditionally been lumped with the other groups of sickos in America. maybe I'm a downs person or just have a really low IQ. the point being, whether I'm under going chemo or just gobbling up Ritalin to keep my attention span rolling, the status quo of this country makes me check off the disabled box on my application forms (even though sometimes i lie to get a job). therefore, i am part of a very much invisible minor-majority, as i like to term it. therefore, i am here to give voice to the crap that cripples me, mainly this sicko society.