We are Not Alone

I think the worst part of being "Chronic" is the very real feeling of isolation that accompanies being misunderstood.  the feelings of being a Freak.  'you are the only possible one going through this situation.'  these feelings are justifiable because most Chronic people carry their pain alone.  they don't speak up, to no fault of their own.  speaking up usually brings unimaginable consequences.  from name calling to losing your job.  usually, the logic goes, there is no benefit to speaking out.  but by not speaking, us Chronic people perpetuate our isolation, our loneliness.  and again, i don't blame us for being shy.  who wants to talk about the fact, more often than not, your body makes you feel like your going to shit yourself in class or that for you, a cold is not just a cold, but a monster lurking in the closet.  and more so, what professor, boss or coworker real needs to hear about your bowel movements or general bodily disfunction.  it's embarrassing.  yet, if you don't explain yourself, you continually play the game of normalcy.  be normal.  fit into the system.  don't shit your pants in class.  don't break out into hives over the latex of a pencil eraser.  be normal.  or at least do your damn best trying to appear so.  

our silence benefits everyone but US.  as long as we remain quiet and unseen at the back of the room, everyone lives their lives uninterrupted by the fact, for the majority, this system just doesn't work.  from educational policies to the medical complexication, this system doesn't work for US.  and let me remind you, because we are really the majority, that means it doesn't benefit most people. 

we must stop pretending to belong to this imaginary status quo.  we are different, but so is everyone.  we have different needs and must learn how to ask for them.  people won't give us what we need if they don't understand we need something to begin with.  and understanding is what we need most.

look, the system is just not working if we're getting kicked out of college because we're sick or more 'absent' than present.  it doesn't work when you have to choose between going to school and being a full-time patient.  why can't we be both?  why is it so unacceptable that some people need to be absent from class more than the norm?  does it really mean we learn less or not as well?  does it make us 'stupid' that we're sick?  do we lack potential because we have more doctors than friends?  like a new friend said, my ability to succeed in this system is just proof how smart i am, because i don't fit in the system, so i've had to learn how to outwit it. that takes brains.  the fact that i can get As for grades when half the time i'm in class doped up on some sort of drug, mostly benedryl.  most people i know can't even spell their name after 25mg let alone 100.  not to brag or say that i'm better.  but i'm definitely not less equal or less smart just because i'm sick.  

i'm tired of ingratiating people with how well i perform.  i feel like a dog.  look at how well i sit when i have nothing to sit on.  look at me, i bark on command.  well you know what, i'm tired of trying to perform like the norm.  the norm is a fictional being and it's time we decided to 'out' the typical.  because it's the atypical that dominates.  none of us, sick or not, fit into that glove.  we are all deviants.  

It's time us Chronic people had a solid voice.  From diabetes to HIV/AIDS, lets tell the world how it really is to be sick, not just 3 days a year, but everyday.   lets tell 'them' that naps are not just the needs of children and infants, but us too.  and because we require a slightly different situation than the healthy, doesn't mean we are less than or not capable of brilliance.  we shine just as bright, if only in a different color.  

look, i know we're all tired and consumed with illness, but i guarantee if we got together and stopped bearing the burden alone, we'd have more time for those 'other' things, like living.  so please, start speaking up, if only a whisper at a time.  and whatever you do, know you are not alone and that there are others out there, just like you, only different.